It took a few months, but reviews have started to come in for Extraordinary. Here's the latest, from School Library Journal:
Gr 9 Up–Simply put, this story is funny. Despite what Eileen Codlin wrote in her best-selling book about Jennifer Van Der Berg, the 14-year-old’s life is no fairy tale. Sure, her days might consist of real vampires, a pooping unicorn, and a fake fairy godparent, but mostly Jennifer is just a girl trying to figure out her place in the world. Extraordinary follows what really happens when drunk and foul-mouthed Gregory Grue presents himself to Jennifer as her fairy godfather. His arrival sparks a chain of events that includes vampire conversions, a murder, and a dreamy long-lost friend coming back to town. The “real” story is peppered with excerpts from Codlin’s book, which are basically some not-so-subtle jabs at the most popular young adult books of the past couple of years. Selzer has created a unique story that will surely find a place in the hearts of teens who gag over the romances of sparkling vampires. The book is unpredictable, silly, and compelling despite the repeated mention of how vile unicorn poop is. Selzer has found a great balance between the fantastical and relatable, tapping into the teenage challenge of being original by doing more than just dying your hair purple. A fun and timely parody.–Emily Chornomaz, Camden County Library System, NJ
A couple of recent blog reviews:
Flamingnet: "Adam Selzer did an amazing job...while reading Jennifer's story, I felt everything she felt. That's how realistic Selzer's writing was."
Princess Althea's Magical Elixer: "Adam Selzer's humor is brilliant. I tip my tiara to you, sir. You have made a new fan."
Kiss the Book
Parkersburg News and Sentinel
These all go along well with the Bulletin of the Center for Children's Books review:
In a world where vampires and zombies are accepted as fact (and even enrolled in high school), you might think that the appearance of a fairy godmother wouldn’t be that surprising, but when Gregory Grue shows up looking like an unkempt drunk and claiming to be Jennifer’s “fairy godmofo,” he’s not what she’s expecting. Still, he manages to deliver all three of Jennifer’s wishes, including a request to reconnect with her childhood sweetheart, Mutual. What Gregory fails to mention, however, is that as payment for her wishes, Jennifer must complete a task of Gregory’s choosing; his choice involves Jennifer kissing and/or being converted by a vampire who is decidedly not Mutual. The premise has all the trappings of a predictable supernatural rom-com, but Selzer zigs where other authors would zag, turning the genre on its head and offering up an entirely refreshing and wonderfully witty romp that involves romance, intrigue, negotiations with vampire clans, and an enormous amount of unicorn poop. Realistically flawed and well aware of it, Jennifer is an immensely relatable protagonist, and her choices ring true to her character instead of being merely convenient to the plot, making the structure of what turns out to be a rather complicated storyline feel even more, as the title suggests, extraordinary. Readers familiar with Selzer’s I Kissed a Zombie and I Liked It (BCCB 3/10) will no doubt recognize the “post-human” world and its details, but knowledge of the previous book is not at all needed to enjoy this deliciously irreverent tale of not-totally-happy endings. KQG
Robbin' Graves and Takin' Names
When Random House told the Smart Aleck Staff they were free to put together a few ebooks to follow The Smart Aleck's Guide to American History, they didn't expect this!
A newly-formatted edition of The Smart Aleck's Guide to Grave Robbing is now available on the ibook store! Just click here:
Charles Dickens and Batman
Daniel Pinkwater once told me he learned all he needed to know about books and their function for young readers by reading the letters to the editor of Batman comic books from the 1940s. Every letter, he said was a variation on "I'm 8, and my brother Sheldon is 4. Can you have Batman beat up a kid named Sheldon?" In other words - it was all wish fulfillment.
This is certainly true in modern YA. The field these days revolves around books where the girl (who readers are supposed to think is just like them) loving her first boyfriend forever and ever (despite one of them having a terrible secret). I'm a bit disturbed by the letters I get from girls who read I Kissed a Zombie and I Liked It and write me or leave comments saying they wish they had a boyfriend like Doug who loved them even though he was dead.
It seems that Charles Dickens, who turns 200 today, got letters not unlike the letters that the editors of Batman got. In 1841, he wrote a letter in reply to a kid who'd been reading Nicholas Nickleby and apparently asked him to beat the heck out of Wackford Squeers (sort of the 19th century Dolores Umbridge) and give Nicholas and his friends some money and sheep, plus a nice meal of roast lamb and porter (the kid seems to have liked sheep, both to own and to eat). Dickens' delightful letter in reply to the kid is reprinted in today's Letters of Note.
Happy birthday, Dickens!
This is certainly true in modern YA. The field these days revolves around books where the girl (who readers are supposed to think is just like them) loving her first boyfriend forever and ever (despite one of them having a terrible secret). I'm a bit disturbed by the letters I get from girls who read I Kissed a Zombie and I Liked It and write me or leave comments saying they wish they had a boyfriend like Doug who loved them even though he was dead.
It seems that Charles Dickens, who turns 200 today, got letters not unlike the letters that the editors of Batman got. In 1841, he wrote a letter in reply to a kid who'd been reading Nicholas Nickleby and apparently asked him to beat the heck out of Wackford Squeers (sort of the 19th century Dolores Umbridge) and give Nicholas and his friends some money and sheep, plus a nice meal of roast lamb and porter (the kid seems to have liked sheep, both to own and to eat). Dickens' delightful letter in reply to the kid is reprinted in today's Letters of Note.
Happy birthday, Dickens!
Drink Your Juice (Or You'll Get Scurvy) video
Ran across this on youtube - someone put up a video for "Drink Your Juice (Or You'll Get Scurvy)" by The Back Row Hooligans.
This is the second time that I know that someone has made a video of one of my songs. The other was a video of the piano version of "Like a Prayer" that I laid down during sessions for a record of mine about 10 years ago. That video is a montage of photos of the Adam Selzer from Portland who is a well-respected producer and musician in the indie world.
This is the second time that I know that someone has made a video of one of my songs. The other was a video of the piano version of "Like a Prayer" that I laid down during sessions for a record of mine about 10 years ago. That video is a montage of photos of the Adam Selzer from Portland who is a well-respected producer and musician in the indie world.
Strange Things Happen in this World
Saw a list of notable alums of the State University of West Georgia, at which I did half of my undergrad work.
How very odd to see my name on a list that Newt Gingrich is also on.
None of the ghost stories I tell seem all that odd in comparison, really.
How very odd to see my name on a list that Newt Gingrich is also on.
None of the ghost stories I tell seem all that odd in comparison, really.
SJ on the Air!
KMSU has posted a 20 minute segment in which I discuss, and read from, SPARKS (which I wrote under the name SJ Adams).
Review: SPARKS is "a game changer."
There are some reviews that have launched people's careers - like Dorothy Parker's review of Harlan Ellison. Or Robert Shelton's review of Bob Dylan. Or the one from 1974 where Jon Landau said "I saw rock and roll future, and its name is Bruce Springsteen." Shelton's review got Dylan a record deal (with Columbia. At age 20). Landau finally got Columbia to pay attention to Bruce instead of just slipping him out and thinking of dropping him (that anyone COULD get dropped after those stunning first two records sort of makes you take pause). And that Ellison could have been thought of as strictly a pulp fiction guy given the quality of his best 1950s/early 60s work is sobering.
I don't think any YA blog has the same pull as Parker, Shelton or Ellison did in their prime, honestly. There's a middle grade blog or two where a rave can make a real difference in your sales, but YA is a different world. In fact, I've been a fairly harsh critic of all those Memes n Drama blogs that focus more on contests than content. And I'm not alone. Honestly, if I repeated the way I'd heard authors, agents, and editors complete the sentence "there are a few great blogs, but...," the scandal would go on for weeks. Authors are known to kiss up to bloggers incessantly in public - I've played that game myself. But believe me, when we meet for lunch or a drink, the conversation is different.
However, there are a few in particular that I really do recommend. Like The Book Lantern, which is known to ruffle some feathers with its criticism of some of the dominant themes in today's YA (it's drama, but it's for a good cause). And there's John Jacobsen's Dreaming in Books , one of the rare male voices in the YA blogosphere, whose reviews are lengthy and articulate. Like Roger Ebert, even when you don't agree with John, you at least get the idea that he knows what he's talking about, and get a sense of whether you might like/dislike a book more than he did (and, incidentally, if you read Ebert's 1 and 4 star reviews, you can skip every "writing craft" book out there - he may be writing about movies, but he'll tell you all you need to know about writing). These are blogs that expect writers to write good books - not just to stick to the trends.
Reviews on these blogs may still not get Columbia to push you so hard that you end of on the cover of TIME and NEWSWEEK in the same week, but they're gratifying as all get out.
So it's REALLY nice to get a good review from him. A REALLY good one. Like Parker on Ellison, Shelton on Dylan, Landau on Springsteen good. I got reviews that felt like raves from some of the trades on I Kissed a Zombie, and a couple of my others, but you only get a paragraph or two in those things. As a writer, you always fantasize about people articulating what they like about your book at great length. I'm not going to lie to you. This is a fine ego trip at a time when I can use one. It's reviews like this that make you feel like you're good at your job and ought to keep doing it, no matter what that pesky student loan officer says.
Some excerpts:
Every once in a while an LGBTQ book comes out for the YA audience that just strikes me as being a game-changer for my expectations of LGBTQ YA.....Back to my usual schpeel - the writing in Sparks is fabulous. Truly, truly fabulous. This is the kind of book that will make hipster YA readers (you know who you are, peeps) and commercial readers equally happy. The book satisfies on a basic level, but as you can tell from above, there's more here than meets the eye. Adams writes truly hilarious situations - I laughed many, many times while reading this book - and he has a great balance of satire, regular humor, and seriousness. He doesn't stay too serious, though, and that's what will make readers fall in love with this book.... This book is more than a journey novel - more than a cross-town road trip.....I just can't say enough about Sparks. This is a book that is so different from the contemporary and LGBTQ YA out there today. It's not angsty...eople that want diversity done without a heavy hand; without a stereotyped view. They will all find something in Sparks. Go out and buy this book. I can't recommend it enough."
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A Joyful Playlist
I tend to go on and on about the "Ragged Glory" playlist that lasted me the whole time I worked on SPARKS, from the first draft to the last copyedits. The songs all have a ragged, soaring, triumphant quality that I wanted in the book. I don't think playlists help much with rough drafts, but they're fun to make and help me a lot on revisions. You play a song with the right vibe and try to build the scene to work like that song is playing in the background.
Today I made a very important decision that I think will change my life: I typed "Slade" into the "Create a Station" field on Pandora. The station this created has me jumping off the wall as I bang my head and sing along to "Somebody to Love," "Cum On Feel the Noise," and "Long Cool Woman in a Black Dress."
It makes me want to talk about my "joyful" playlist, which I switched to for a couple of scenes in the book during revisions. Songs that sound like the band and singer are so happy they can hardly contain themselves and want you to feel the same way. Here's what's on that:
"Oh Yoko!" by John Lennon. The harmonica solo at the end is pure distilled joy.
"Hold Me Now" by Polyphonic Spree. I'm not sure what they're on about in this song - I'm never sure what these guys are on about. But they sure sound uplifting. It's like an indie "Up With People."
I always wanted to start a band called "Up To Here With People."
"Good Lovin" by the Grateful Dead. Once I was at a show where they played this, and a rainbow appeared in the sky. I told a dead head about it and he said "Yeah, that happens a lot at Dead shows. There's a lot of psychic energy." I'm pretty skeptical about stuff like that, but there's no possible scientific explanation to explain how all those VW micro-busses in the parceling lot are still running.
"We Are Golden" by Mika. Fun!
"Don't Stop Believin' (Glee version). I never felt like the show lived up to the promise of the pilot. I like it when their music really sounds more or less like something a really good glee club would do (plus guitar and drums). They usually just sound like karaoke versions. But I sure loved that pilot! Did they ever get around to the gag I assumed they were going for where "new directions" sounds like "nude erections?" The "Halo/Walking On Sunshine" mashup is on there, too.
"My Favorite Things" by The Mountain Goats. One of their dozens of "unreleased" numbers. A minute long song about hearing John Coltrane on the radio while dancing with someone you're probably about to sleep with. "you put your arm around me and it felt real fine /and your ankle brushed up against mine / and resonating in my bones / the precise, crisp, drumming of Mr. Elvin Jones / god damn it! / i love john coltrane!" I swear he actually sings the exclamation point. John Darnielle tends to sing in italics. He does not sing his songs so much as he declares them.
"Oh, Mary Don't You Weep" by Bruce Springsteen an the Seeger Sessions band. The Seeger Sessions band sounded like what old folk music should have always sounded like, but it's a sound that couldn't exist in a world without mixing boards. An 18 piece folk band with a banjo, a tuba, an accordion, and a ragged band of gypsies vibe. I really hope he brings this band back - or makes up for the loss of Clarence by sort of merging the E Street band with some of these guys (which is pretty much what he's already started).
"Janglin" by Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros. These guys (like Polyphonic Spree) sort of seem like a cult. But what a swell cult! One line I just can't get past here is "We want to heal ya / we don't mean to kill ya." Well, good. I wouldn't want to listen to a band that meant to kill me (and wasn't a Norwegian black metal band).
"Kick Drum Heart" by The Avett Brothers. A bouncy song on an album that is generally not bouncy.
"In The Aeroplane Over the Sea" by Neutral Milk Hotel seems like it fits into every playlist ever. All building up to the line "can't believe / how strange it is to be anything at all" which is sort of what Sparks is all about. I would have written that right in, but Flux is pretty hardcore about not quoting any lyrics. This made writing the scenes where they listen to "God Only Knows" and "This Year" and "It's All right Ma, I'm Only Bleeding" an interesting challenge. This is not a song Debbie would like, though. It took forever for this band to click with me, and Debbie is not into artsy, avant grade-type stuff. Maybe one day she will be. Not yet.
"Such Great Heights" by The Postal Service. This makes me think of my wife.
"Love the One You're With" by Stephen Stills. When I was about 14 I went to see a Shakespeare in the Park thing where they did Midsummer Night's Dream with hippies in place of fairies, and between acts a band played this. One of those songs (like "You may Be Right" by Billy Joel) where, if you pay too much attention, you'll start thinking the singer is acting like a complete douchebag, but they make it fun anyway.
"What Is Life" by George Harrison. My favorite of his solo songs. "Waiting ON You All" would have worked in any Sparks playlist, too.
"My Roller Coaster" by Kimya Dawson. One of her happier songs. All the people in this book need to listen to more Kimya Dawson records. We all do, probably. The importance of "Nothing Came Out' by her band, The Moldy Peaches, to SPARKS can not be over-stated. Sounds like a funny song if you've never been "there," but I think it's really their most doggedly serious song.
"Queen of the World" by Ida Maria. I love Ida Maria. This is one of her happier songs, where the depression underneath is more effectively buried. She features very prominently on the playlist for another upcoming book tentatively titled Mad to Live, and "We're All Going to Hell" is on the Satanic YA book playlists (of course).
"Valerie Plame" by the Decemberists. "Engine Driver" turns up in most of my other playlists, but this one delights me more. Something about opening a song with "Valerie Plame / if that really IS your name" makes me smile.
"What Light" by Wilco. THe "Sing, Sing a Song" of my generation.
"The Happy Wanderer" by The Polkaholics. These guys are the greatest band in Chicago. They are a guitar-drum-bass combo that sounds like early Green Day, only they play polka. All polka is happy. It is happy music for happy people. "The Beer Barrel Polka" teaches us that something can start in Scranton and go to Number 1. The lead singer, Dandy Don Hedekker, is the name sake of the appliance store in the book I Put a Spell on You.
"Constructive Summer" by The Hold Steady. The Ragged Glory playlist was heavy on these guys.
Just added today to this list is "Stuck On F**in' You" by Lady Gaga. Sounds like a Beggar's Banquet outtake. She should do more songs like this. I found myself wishing that whole last record was a big more organic (but in that Jim Steinman and Meatloaf way, if that makes any sense).
Some other music writings I've done:
Moved a Link
Had an article about Ron Paul on here a few hours ago, but it's been moved to The Smart Aleck's Guide page. I decided that was a better home for it.
Free MP3: Heavy Metal Vomit Christmas Party
| Happy holidays, everybody! Here's a free mp3: "Heavy Metal Vomit Christmas Party" by the Back Row Hooligans (right click to save). Out of the black night, with horrible vengeance, The Back Row Hooligans play kids music for really well-adjusted kids. Their first album is called Killin Folks and Breakin' Stuff. Get a link to download a zip file of the full album in high quality mp3 format (iTunes-ready!) for just $4.99! Or, send a proof of purchase of any Adam Selzer or SJ Adams book (order confirmation, blurry pic of you holding up a copy, whatever - we're easy to fool and not that picky) to staffATsmartalecksguide.com and get a free download link! |  |
Lyrics:
Christmas with the family, my wife and kids are here
the fire is warm, oh what more could I want?
but there's something missing, I'm tugging at the strings
of my sweater, which has reindeer on the front
they're fuzzy in their splendor, but don't bring back the glow
that christmas with my family brought me all those years ago
so can we have a heavy metal vomit christmas party please?
if no one pukes, it doesn't feel like christmas time to me
You'd better not cry, you'd better not pout - I'm getting my Dokken tapes back out
let's get a mosh pit going all around the christmas tree
Every year my cousins would dub each other's tapes
as we played them on my grandma's stereo
we'd beat up on my brother, and act like youth gone wild
burning things, and making demons in the snow
One year cousin Larry bashed my skull into the wall
I'm bleeding in the shots of me with santa at the mall
oh can we have a heavy metal vomit christmas party please
the smell of vodka makes it feel like christmas time to me
when the grown-up table began to pray, the kids table rocked the night away
shouting at the devil all around the christmas tree
Oh, we were FUN at the christmas pageant.
My cousin gladys, who was the angel of the lord, threw horns while my cousins,
who were the wise men set fire to the manger and chanted "true norwegian black metal!"
We're not welcome at church anymore, but the memories last a lifetime.
I want to share that with my kids, honey!
I believe we need a heavy metal vomit christmas party please
I want my kids to know what what feels like christmas time to me
heedless of the wind and weather, let's all shout "no life til leather!"
I sold my soul for rock and roll around the christmas tree
Hey, let's sing some of my favorite Christmas songs!
Like, "Glumpy the Elf Who Sawed His Leg Off."
Or "Megadeth is Coming to Town." Or "Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas" -
with the ORIGINAL lyrics that Judy Garland thought were too depressing and
mean-spirited! Gosh! I love Christmas!
sugarplum fairies wear boots
(c) 2011 by Adam Selzer, ASCAP
New Podcast: Resurrection Mary Roundtable
From Chicago Unbelievable:
 New Episode! Resurrection Mary Roundtable Chat.  or archive.org (itunes link will start leading to the episode by the end of 12/19) More Podcasts | Last night I met with Ray Johnson, the Haunt Detective, and Dale Kaczmarek from the Ghost Research Society for a roundtable discussion about Resurrection Mary, Chicago's most famous ghost. Is she real? How old is the story? Who is she the ghost of? Get the free episode on iTunes (or right here) now! Resurrection Mary is one of those vanishing hitchhikers; people pick her up on the South Side and give her a ride home - only to have her vanish as they drive past Resurrection Cemetery at 7200 S. Archer. We spent an hour talking about the story, its origins, and the various theories as to who Mary might be the ghost of (assuming she exists at all). There's some new information that we've recently uncovered - including stories of the cemetery gates, the night the police arrested "Resurrection Mary," what the cemetery's records say, and a whole lot more. Pictures, video and more links here! |
First Review of EXTRAORDINARY!
Well, it took until five weeks after the book came out, but BULLETIN OF THE CENTER FOR CHILDREN'S BOOKS has issued the first trade review of EXTRAORDINARY.
Blurbs: "Selzer zigs where other authors would zag, turning the genre on its head and offering up an entirely refreshing and wonderfully witty romp that involves romance, intrigue...and an enormous amount of unicorn poop. Realistically flawed...Jennifer is an immensely relatable protagonist...deliciously irreverent."
Full review:
Blurbs: "Selzer zigs where other authors would zag, turning the genre on its head and offering up an entirely refreshing and wonderfully witty romp that involves romance, intrigue...and an enormous amount of unicorn poop. Realistically flawed...Jennifer is an immensely relatable protagonist...deliciously irreverent."
Full review:
In a world where vampires and zombies are accepted as fact (and even enrolled in high school), you might think that the appearance of a fairy godmother wouldn’t be that surprising, but when Gregory Grue shows up looking like an unkempt drunk and claiming to be Jennifer’s “fairy godmofo,” he’s not what she’s expecting. Still, he manages to deliver all three of Jennifer’s wishes, including a request to reconnect with her childhood sweetheart, Mutual. What Gregory fails to mention, however, is that as payment for her wishes, Jennifer must complete a task of Gregory’s choosing; his choice involves Jennifer kissing and/or being converted by a vampire who is decidedly not Mutual. The premise has all the trappings of a predictable supernatural rom-com, but Selzer zigs where other authors would zag, turning the genre on its head and offering up an entirely refreshing and wonderfully witty romp that involves romance, intrigue, negotiations with vampire clans, and an enormous amount of unicorn poop. Realistically flawed and well aware of it, Jennifer is an immensely relatable protagonist, and her choices ring true to her character instead of being merely convenient to the plot, making the structure of what turns out to be a rather complicated storyline feel even more, as the title suggests, extraordinary. Readers familiar with Selzer’s I Kissed a Zombie and I Liked It (BCCB 3/10) will no doubt recognize the “post-human” world and its details, but knowledge of the previous book is not at all needed to enjoy this deliciously irreverent tale of not-totally-happy endings. KQG
Labels:
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Where is "Newt: Raw?"
We weren't political at my house when I was a kid. When I asked my mother if we were Republicans or Democrats, she thought for a second, then said, "Well, we're registered Republicans" in a tone that made it clear that she wasn't that into being a Republican. They sure as heck aren't Republicans now.
My memories of politics in general are pretty vague. I remember seeing Reagan on TV when I was six or so. Someone was asking him if he was firing anyone, and he said "No, I'm not firing anybody!" in a cheerful voice. I thought he seemed like a nice guy.
I remember that in 1988, in the run up to the caucus, we went downtown one day when a million people were handing out buttons. My parents were for Jesse Jackson at the time. I was confused when my mom explained that he was quitting the race and wanted everyone to vote for Dukakis now. Wasn't that who he was running against? My parents were for Dukakis that year.
The whole time I was a kid, Terry Branstad was governor of Iowa. When he came out at a minor league baseball game and was roundly booed, I felt like I ought to join in, but my parents told me I should boo if I didn't know what I was booing about. Good advice.
Meanwhile, when he was up for re-election when I was in fourth grade, I heard a kid say "Branstad wants to tax the poor and let the rich get off." This may be the first moment I had an opinion about politics - I thought that sounded stupid. I didn't believe it, though. This guy was the governor, not the Sheriff of Nottingham. Who was going to say that we should tax the poor and let the rich get off?
I was still only vaguely aware of politics in the mid 1990s, still formulating opinions. My parents stepped back and let me. I remember a few occasions when I expressed some political opinion and they told me why some people thought differently (in a way that made me think THEY must have thought differently, though I now know they certainly didn't).
Even at 14, I only had a general idea of what the difference was between a liberal and a conservative. It was right around this time that Newt Gingrich went on a program called "Newt: Raw" on MTV. In this program, he discussed politics with a small cross-section of people (most, if not all, young) and the usual MTV news anchors. MTV could get serious when it wanted to. I had just moved to Georgia, just a district or two away from Newt's stomping grounds.
Over the course of the program, I seem to recall Newt noting that he was against both abortion AND welfare. This did not compute with me.
Further, he seemed to be in favor of corporal punishment in schools. I believe he said something along the lines of "in my day, it was just a given that if you got out of line, you'd get a whipping."
"Wow," I thought. "This guy is a jackass." If he was a conservative, I was a liberal. A few years later, when he was up for re-election, Gingrich nearly lost to a guy who sold cookies at the mall. Then he resigned in disgrace and I thought we were rid of him.
Maybe I'm remembering it wrong, but I'd like to see how a clip of him saying he was in favor of corporal punishment would play today. This would have been right around the time he advocated bringing orphanages back. Together with his recent notion of getting rid of child labor laws and I'm starting to get the notion that we don't need to argue against this guy - you just have to read Nicholas Nickleby.
Newt: Raw is not readily available online. I can't find it on youtube, I can't find a place to download it, and I don't see any torrents - just a handful of vintage newspaper articles.
Meanwhile, Newt has opened a headquarters in my old hometown of Urbandale. The GOP nearly shut down the government and defaulted on our debts in order to keep from taxing the rich. Branstad is governor again, and in a book of mine that Flux published last month, the characters have a plan to plant a pressed ham on the window of his mansion. That'll show 'im.
My memories of politics in general are pretty vague. I remember seeing Reagan on TV when I was six or so. Someone was asking him if he was firing anyone, and he said "No, I'm not firing anybody!" in a cheerful voice. I thought he seemed like a nice guy.
I remember that in 1988, in the run up to the caucus, we went downtown one day when a million people were handing out buttons. My parents were for Jesse Jackson at the time. I was confused when my mom explained that he was quitting the race and wanted everyone to vote for Dukakis now. Wasn't that who he was running against? My parents were for Dukakis that year.
The whole time I was a kid, Terry Branstad was governor of Iowa. When he came out at a minor league baseball game and was roundly booed, I felt like I ought to join in, but my parents told me I should boo if I didn't know what I was booing about. Good advice.
Meanwhile, when he was up for re-election when I was in fourth grade, I heard a kid say "Branstad wants to tax the poor and let the rich get off." This may be the first moment I had an opinion about politics - I thought that sounded stupid. I didn't believe it, though. This guy was the governor, not the Sheriff of Nottingham. Who was going to say that we should tax the poor and let the rich get off?
I was still only vaguely aware of politics in the mid 1990s, still formulating opinions. My parents stepped back and let me. I remember a few occasions when I expressed some political opinion and they told me why some people thought differently (in a way that made me think THEY must have thought differently, though I now know they certainly didn't).
Even at 14, I only had a general idea of what the difference was between a liberal and a conservative. It was right around this time that Newt Gingrich went on a program called "Newt: Raw" on MTV. In this program, he discussed politics with a small cross-section of people (most, if not all, young) and the usual MTV news anchors. MTV could get serious when it wanted to. I had just moved to Georgia, just a district or two away from Newt's stomping grounds.
Over the course of the program, I seem to recall Newt noting that he was against both abortion AND welfare. This did not compute with me.
Further, he seemed to be in favor of corporal punishment in schools. I believe he said something along the lines of "in my day, it was just a given that if you got out of line, you'd get a whipping."
"Wow," I thought. "This guy is a jackass." If he was a conservative, I was a liberal. A few years later, when he was up for re-election, Gingrich nearly lost to a guy who sold cookies at the mall. Then he resigned in disgrace and I thought we were rid of him.
Maybe I'm remembering it wrong, but I'd like to see how a clip of him saying he was in favor of corporal punishment would play today. This would have been right around the time he advocated bringing orphanages back. Together with his recent notion of getting rid of child labor laws and I'm starting to get the notion that we don't need to argue against this guy - you just have to read Nicholas Nickleby.
Newt: Raw is not readily available online. I can't find it on youtube, I can't find a place to download it, and I don't see any torrents - just a handful of vintage newspaper articles.
Meanwhile, Newt has opened a headquarters in my old hometown of Urbandale. The GOP nearly shut down the government and defaulted on our debts in order to keep from taxing the rich. Branstad is governor again, and in a book of mine that Flux published last month, the characters have a plan to plant a pressed ham on the window of his mansion. That'll show 'im.
The Mountain Goats live review 12/6-7/11
Forgive me if I ramble. I do that sometimes when I write concert reviews. I always liked those book-long concert reviews like Ratso Sloman's "On the Road with Bob Dylan" and they kind of infected my brain, the same way my sinuses have lately been infected, causing my ears to clog up so much I can barely hear. As such, having heard that the Mountain Goats would be playing an un-amplified show a mile or so from my appear I resolved to arrive early enough to sit someplace where I could hear. For the uninitiated, the Mountain Goats are a band consisting of John Darnielle and whoever else is in the band at the time. Sometimes it's just him. They've put out a ton of albums since their first tape 20 years ago.
I'm new to the Mountain Goats fold. I first heard them years ago, but even then the sheer volume of their output intimidated me a bit (where would I start?), and I'm always a bit afraid of bands that have a large indie following. I like a lot of those bands, but I always feel like the indie scene is a bunch of big kids who won't let me play basketball with them. I think this is the result of growing up in suburban Iowa and Snellville, Georgia and being really, really into Star Wars in 1992 (when it was NOT a popular thing to be into). When you grow up like that, everyone else seems cooler than you.
But a year or so back I noticed that about 2/3rds of the songs I'd had to look up after hearing them on the radio at the coffee shop were Mountain Goats songs - "This Year" and "Lovecraft in Brooklyn" sealed it for me, and I ran out and picked up "Sunset Tree," which had "This Year," and "All Hail West Texas," which had "The Death Metal Band Out of Denton," which I already knew that I loved - I felt like it was about my friends and me; we had bands with names like Scapegoat (which still exists and records, along with 50 other bands of the same name) and Supernatural Anarchy. Our music was recorded on boom boxes. All Hail West Texas was also recorded on a boom box, but somehow it made the tape hiss noise WORK in a way that I never dreamed possible. And then there are the lyrics. I write young adult novels for a living; I can tell you right now that many of these songs about characters trying to do the right thing even though they think of themselves as evil, Huck Finn-style, tell more in 8 lines than most YA books do in 200 pages.
Labels:
notes on pop culture,
Sketches of Chicago
Down By the Bay (with apologies to Raffi)
The little house down by the bay, where I grew up, was called the Rookery by the locals - this was back when they stilled called crows "rooks." I was in my teens before I knew that, but I sure as hell knew about the crows from the time I could talk. They were everywhere around the house - my brother, Ronald, and I got to know them so well that we could even tell some of them apart from the others. We gave names to our favorites.
We didn't mind them, but they were the bane of my father's existence. He spent most of his life trying to make the watermelon patch out back into a cash crop, and the crows would eat them before they could grow beyond seedlings. About every half hour he'd shout "Boys! Crows!" and that would be our signal to grab a couple of brooms and chase the crows off of the watermelons. They always came back.
It's just my mom and her nurse there now. I took off the day I turned 18, left California all together, and ended up in St. Louis. Ronald joined the army, came back a bit worse for wear, and started a family outside of Phoenix - he works in some sort of technical job. Dad died of a heart attack with a broom in his hand, but he got his wish: for one reason or another, the crows are gone now, too. There are still watermelons; Ronald and I pay a couple of gardeners to see to that. I like to think that the watermelons are his gravestone - his eternal monument, growing anew every year.
Mom is far gone enough now that most days she doesn't remember me at all, but I remember her. The crisp linen smell of her dress - it always smelled line linen, even when it was splattered with watermelon juice like one of those colorful Jackie Kennedy dresses that were popular when Ronald and I were little. We used to joke that the dirty dresses made her fashionable. And they did.
Ronald goes back to the Rookery now and then to see Mom, but I don't dare. It's simply too depressing for me to see what kind of shape my mother is in, and the things my mother will say. She doesn't recognize me; mostly she just stares at her hand, or fills nonsense into crossword puzzles. Occasionally she'll spout some nonsense, like "did you ever see a bear combing his hair?" I never know what to say, and I can't handle that. 55 years old, a successful man, husband and father, and I don't even know what to say to my Mother. In that awkward second when she asks her questions, I'm a failure.
When Ronald came to tell her she was going to be a grandma, she just stared at him for a while, then finally said, "Did you ever see a llama wearing his pajamas?"
Down by the bay, where the watermelons grow. Back to my home, I dare not go. For if I do, my mother will say "did you ever see a moose kissing a goose?"
Down by the bay.
(I wrote this about 5 years ago and rediscovered it today)
We didn't mind them, but they were the bane of my father's existence. He spent most of his life trying to make the watermelon patch out back into a cash crop, and the crows would eat them before they could grow beyond seedlings. About every half hour he'd shout "Boys! Crows!" and that would be our signal to grab a couple of brooms and chase the crows off of the watermelons. They always came back.
It's just my mom and her nurse there now. I took off the day I turned 18, left California all together, and ended up in St. Louis. Ronald joined the army, came back a bit worse for wear, and started a family outside of Phoenix - he works in some sort of technical job. Dad died of a heart attack with a broom in his hand, but he got his wish: for one reason or another, the crows are gone now, too. There are still watermelons; Ronald and I pay a couple of gardeners to see to that. I like to think that the watermelons are his gravestone - his eternal monument, growing anew every year.
Mom is far gone enough now that most days she doesn't remember me at all, but I remember her. The crisp linen smell of her dress - it always smelled line linen, even when it was splattered with watermelon juice like one of those colorful Jackie Kennedy dresses that were popular when Ronald and I were little. We used to joke that the dirty dresses made her fashionable. And they did.
Ronald goes back to the Rookery now and then to see Mom, but I don't dare. It's simply too depressing for me to see what kind of shape my mother is in, and the things my mother will say. She doesn't recognize me; mostly she just stares at her hand, or fills nonsense into crossword puzzles. Occasionally she'll spout some nonsense, like "did you ever see a bear combing his hair?" I never know what to say, and I can't handle that. 55 years old, a successful man, husband and father, and I don't even know what to say to my Mother. In that awkward second when she asks her questions, I'm a failure.
When Ronald came to tell her she was going to be a grandma, she just stared at him for a while, then finally said, "Did you ever see a llama wearing his pajamas?"
Down by the bay, where the watermelons grow. Back to my home, I dare not go. For if I do, my mother will say "did you ever see a moose kissing a goose?"
Down by the bay.
(I wrote this about 5 years ago and rediscovered it today)
The Ballad of Matthew Buchinger and Lew Zealand
In honor of the release of The Muppets, I thought I'd finally post an epic poem I wrote circa 1999 about a duel between Lew Zealand, the Muppet who went around throwing fish, and Matthew Buchinger, an 18th century gentleman, musician and magician who was born without arms or legs (and did cup-and-ball tricks that have never been explained to this day). I wrote it while bussing tables at a rib joint and someone managed to remember it all well enough to write it down when I got home.
THE BALLAD OF MATTHEW BUCHINGER AND LEW ZEALAND
THE BALLAD OF MATTHEW BUCHINGER AND LEW ZEALAND
Matthew had no hands or legs - he lived in Randall's hall.
He entertained the guests with tricks which used a cup and ball
He wore a powdered wig and he had fine calligraphy
He used to say "you'll never find a man as strange as me!"
Lew was fat and orange and wore a Santa suit all year
Throwing fish at people was his way of spreading cheer
If you asked him why he threw fish, he would say "because
I am the strangest human being that there ever was!"
Now Lew he moved to Randall's hall one sunny afternoon
Matthew, with his bagpipe, was about to play a tune
The two saw one another and they both stopped in their tracks
They knew that there was trouble and there was no turning back
Lew he looked at Matthew and he said pretentiously
"You are a funny little man, but not as strange as me."
Matthew said quite angrily "You sir are very cruel.
There's no room here for both of us we'll have to fight a duel."
At first they spoke as gentlemen about the terms of play
The loser would get out of town the winner got to stay
They'd first march off ten paces, and then each would do their worst
A roll of dice determined that Lew would be going first.
So the rules were laid out and a referee brought in
said "gentlemen get to your marks And then you may begin"
Lew stepped off ten paces and he threw a fish at Matt
Who caught it in his cup and made it vanish just like that.
As soon as Matt began his turn his thoughts were rather clear
He meant to put Lew in the cup and make him disappear
And so he hobbled to the man and even though he tried
His cup was just not large enough for Lew to fit inside.
So then began the second round, a second turn for Lew
This time instead of just one fish he tossed a great big slew.
But though a minnow nicked his ear, Matt's face remained a smile
For every fish besides the minnow missed him by a mile.
"You shall not survive this round" said Matt triumphantly
"For I have got a trick that's sure to scare you mightily"
He then took out his bagpipe and A new smile crossed his face
He said "upon this instrument I'll play Amazing Grace"
Lew was rightly terrified His hands began to shake
He said "I shall distract you into making a mistake!"
Matthew laughed and said "I've never made one in my life
no, not a single one unless you count my second wife."
"If you play a note on that thing" said Lew with a scowl
"I'll throw out a secret weapon, which smells rather foul.
I know that you will run away If I throw some fish eggs."
"Now I wont," said Matt, "For you see sir, I have no legs!"
Matthew was about to play and Lew was terrified.
He reached into a little pouch which he kept by his side,
then pulled a ball of fish eggs out (the stench could kill a man)
before Matt played he threw them - and then he turned and ran!
Lew would later say he hadn't really lost at all
It had been a draw that afternoon in Randall's hall
Matthew technically had won - but he had lost as well;
He won because he stayed but lost because so did the smell!
Now the story's over, it's time to say adieu
but before we get to that let's do a quick review.
Here's the story's moral, if there is one at all:
you don't need arms or legs to do tricks with a cup and ball
Labels:
poems
It's Mid-list Monday!
It's mid-list Monday! Go to your favorite indie shop and buy a book by an author you've never heard of - someone whose book came out with no major marketing plan, isn't on a table display, has no swag attached to it (magnets, posters, and such-like), and is just sitting spine-out on the shelves. If there's one you've heard of but don't see at the store, they can almost certainly order a copy for you (and almost no store will charge you shipping!)
Now, I realize that it's also cyber monday. And I can definitely see the benefits of online shopping - when I was a teenager, I lived in a small town with no indie shops. And no major chains for a while there, either. If there was a book or album or movie I heard about, odds that I'd be able to find a copy were slim. If it was still in print, I could have had a local mall book store order it for me, but that can be intimidating - asking for a copy of some obscure horror novel was as daunting as going to the drug store and asking the old lady at the desk for a thing of condoms.
So I can certainly see how Amazon can make life better for people - I just wish they weren't so, well... evil. They tactics they employ to bully publishers and producers to keep their prices low are just about the same tricks Wal-Mart uses (with the added trick of not charging sales tax - which I have to admit is nice, but which also creates unfair competition to local stores). Stories about working conditions in the warehouses are pretty horrifying, and the tactics they're using to dominate the ebook field are disheartening (though, contrary to what you may have heard, you CAN read books purchased in other formats on a kindle - you just have to pull a few tricks of your own).
But you can also order online from indie stores - try http://www.indiebound.org. It's incredibly important to support your local book shop - Borders is gone, BN could be next to go, and soon the only place left to find books could be either your indie shop or the local Target.
And I'm terribly afraid that soon enough, the selection at BN will resemble the selection at Target: nothing buy a few select titles with big marketing money, movie tie-ins, and a highly selective back list. Some of these books are terrific, but, well...midlisters need not apply. As I work on new books, the pressure I feel to stick with the formulas and trends if I ever want to see my books in more stores (or, soon, ANY stores) is pretty overwhelming. Some people complain that all YA books these days are paranormal romances. That isn't true - but it IS true that all you see on the tables at most stores are either paranormals or the odd contemporary by an author who was well established BEFORE paranormal took over.
So head on over to your local indie store (or indiebound) buy a book from a mid-list author (like me) and help us claw our way to the a-list for Mid-list Monday!
Now, I realize that it's also cyber monday. And I can definitely see the benefits of online shopping - when I was a teenager, I lived in a small town with no indie shops. And no major chains for a while there, either. If there was a book or album or movie I heard about, odds that I'd be able to find a copy were slim. If it was still in print, I could have had a local mall book store order it for me, but that can be intimidating - asking for a copy of some obscure horror novel was as daunting as going to the drug store and asking the old lady at the desk for a thing of condoms.
So I can certainly see how Amazon can make life better for people - I just wish they weren't so, well... evil. They tactics they employ to bully publishers and producers to keep their prices low are just about the same tricks Wal-Mart uses (with the added trick of not charging sales tax - which I have to admit is nice, but which also creates unfair competition to local stores). Stories about working conditions in the warehouses are pretty horrifying, and the tactics they're using to dominate the ebook field are disheartening (though, contrary to what you may have heard, you CAN read books purchased in other formats on a kindle - you just have to pull a few tricks of your own).
But you can also order online from indie stores - try http://www.indiebound.org. It's incredibly important to support your local book shop - Borders is gone, BN could be next to go, and soon the only place left to find books could be either your indie shop or the local Target.
And I'm terribly afraid that soon enough, the selection at BN will resemble the selection at Target: nothing buy a few select titles with big marketing money, movie tie-ins, and a highly selective back list. Some of these books are terrific, but, well...midlisters need not apply. As I work on new books, the pressure I feel to stick with the formulas and trends if I ever want to see my books in more stores (or, soon, ANY stores) is pretty overwhelming. Some people complain that all YA books these days are paranormal romances. That isn't true - but it IS true that all you see on the tables at most stores are either paranormals or the odd contemporary by an author who was well established BEFORE paranormal took over.
So head on over to your local indie store (or indiebound) buy a book from a mid-list author (like me) and help us claw our way to the a-list for Mid-list Monday!
On Samsung
So there I sat, waiting to see The Muppets, when the Samsung commercial was projected on the scene. It showed a group of idiots waiting on some new phone (obviously an iPhone) and being awed by a bystander with a Samsung.
"I could never use a Samsung," said one smug line-waiter. "I'm creative."
"Dude," said the person next to him, in a smug tone, "you're a barista."
Well, I was a barista once. In fact, I wrote my first published novel while I was one of them. And large chunks of the second, for that matter. And when things were slow, I turned that coffee shop into a science lab. Just figuring out how to deal with some of the customers involved a LOT of creativity. I took that ad as a personal insult.
Back at home after the movie, I found the best email address I could for Samsung's CEO, Y.K. Kim. Y.K. looks like he used to be cool once - he has a degree in French language and literature. But now he apparently thinks that baristas who think they can still be creative should be mocked for suggesting such a thing.
I fired off an email saying that letting a commercial like that air on his watch was a disgrace. If THAT is their attitude towards baristas and creative people, I wouldn't buy one of their phones unless they came out with one that could fire lasers at my enemies and turn them into pudding. And not just any pudding either - it would have to be a kind I loved but couldn't find in stores anywhere.
Of course, the CEO will never see it. These guys tend to have whole ARMIES of guys surrounding them to make sure they never have to take one bit of responsibility for their own mistakes, their own incompetence, or their own lousy companies. And when they finally screw things up so badly that the board gets rid of them, they'll walk off with millions anyway. This, I think, is what the "Occupy" movement really boils down to - telling powerful people that they suck right to their no-good faces.
I hope Occupy camps out at Y.K.'s house and doesn't bring Porta Potties. If YOU'RE a barista, print out his photo and post it in the back room at your store, suggesting that if you see this man, you should give him decaf.
"I could never use a Samsung," said one smug line-waiter. "I'm creative."
"Dude," said the person next to him, in a smug tone, "you're a barista."
Well, I was a barista once. In fact, I wrote my first published novel while I was one of them. And large chunks of the second, for that matter. And when things were slow, I turned that coffee shop into a science lab. Just figuring out how to deal with some of the customers involved a LOT of creativity. I took that ad as a personal insult.
Back at home after the movie, I found the best email address I could for Samsung's CEO, Y.K. Kim. Y.K. looks like he used to be cool once - he has a degree in French language and literature. But now he apparently thinks that baristas who think they can still be creative should be mocked for suggesting such a thing.
I fired off an email saying that letting a commercial like that air on his watch was a disgrace. If THAT is their attitude towards baristas and creative people, I wouldn't buy one of their phones unless they came out with one that could fire lasers at my enemies and turn them into pudding. And not just any pudding either - it would have to be a kind I loved but couldn't find in stores anywhere.
Of course, the CEO will never see it. These guys tend to have whole ARMIES of guys surrounding them to make sure they never have to take one bit of responsibility for their own mistakes, their own incompetence, or their own lousy companies. And when they finally screw things up so badly that the board gets rid of them, they'll walk off with millions anyway. This, I think, is what the "Occupy" movement really boils down to - telling powerful people that they suck right to their no-good faces.
I hope Occupy camps out at Y.K.'s house and doesn't bring Porta Potties. If YOU'RE a barista, print out his photo and post it in the back room at your store, suggesting that if you see this man, you should give him decaf.
Vanity Fair
"Some there are, and very successful too, mere quacks and fools: and it was to combat and expose such as those, no doubt, that Laughter was made." - Thackery
I can't believe I never read Thackery's VANITY FAIR before. But the cover design for the Back Row Hooligans album was one of his drawings (I didn't even know he also drew), so I thought I'd pick a copy up. As a satirist myself, it's always good to see what the satirists of yesteryear were up to.
A while ago I was doing a Smart Aleck's Guide presentation and someone asked if I was shocked that some people get all their news from The Daily Show.
If I'm shocked at all, it's that anyone can actually go an entire day and only get twenty-two minutes worth of the news. But historically, it seems like as good a place as any.
I spend a LOT of time reading archival news sources - old magazines, old newspapers, etc. It's always interesting to measure what they thought THEN with what we know NOW, to see which papers seemed to be able to see through the phonies, had a sense of what the impact of some legislation or another would be, etc.
Without question, the most astute publication from the last half century, the one that had the best sense of what was going on and what was going to happen, was MAD magazine. Reading back through some 60s issues today is just shocking. THey were WAY ahead of the curve, and many of their 90s issues about the impact of the Republican takeover that Newt led were dead-on. Of COURSE people get their news from The Daily Show - the court jester is so often the one guy who can safely tell it like it is.
Incidentally, I lived one district over from Newt during much of his time as speaker (before he had to resign in disgrace). I think he's a creative guy who isn't afraid to seem smart (a serious rarity in the GOP's field of candidates), but he simply doesn't have the judgement to determine when one of his ideas is a really, really bad one. As an Obama voter myself, I would be happy to see Obama run against him, but there's no WAY he'll get through two or three more months of campaigning without doing something stupid to embarrass himself. His early campaigning (especially his essay of stoking fears about the 9/11 mosque) was just wretched - as a historian himself, he should REALLY know that history is seldom kind to people who build their careers on people's basest fears and prejudices.
I can't believe I never read Thackery's VANITY FAIR before. But the cover design for the Back Row Hooligans album was one of his drawings (I didn't even know he also drew), so I thought I'd pick a copy up. As a satirist myself, it's always good to see what the satirists of yesteryear were up to.
A while ago I was doing a Smart Aleck's Guide presentation and someone asked if I was shocked that some people get all their news from The Daily Show.
If I'm shocked at all, it's that anyone can actually go an entire day and only get twenty-two minutes worth of the news. But historically, it seems like as good a place as any.
I spend a LOT of time reading archival news sources - old magazines, old newspapers, etc. It's always interesting to measure what they thought THEN with what we know NOW, to see which papers seemed to be able to see through the phonies, had a sense of what the impact of some legislation or another would be, etc.
Without question, the most astute publication from the last half century, the one that had the best sense of what was going on and what was going to happen, was MAD magazine. Reading back through some 60s issues today is just shocking. THey were WAY ahead of the curve, and many of their 90s issues about the impact of the Republican takeover that Newt led were dead-on. Of COURSE people get their news from The Daily Show - the court jester is so often the one guy who can safely tell it like it is.
Incidentally, I lived one district over from Newt during much of his time as speaker (before he had to resign in disgrace). I think he's a creative guy who isn't afraid to seem smart (a serious rarity in the GOP's field of candidates), but he simply doesn't have the judgement to determine when one of his ideas is a really, really bad one. As an Obama voter myself, I would be happy to see Obama run against him, but there's no WAY he'll get through two or three more months of campaigning without doing something stupid to embarrass himself. His early campaigning (especially his essay of stoking fears about the 9/11 mosque) was just wretched - as a historian himself, he should REALLY know that history is seldom kind to people who build their careers on people's basest fears and prejudices.
Tomorrow at Harold Washington Library
Tomorrow I'll be making a cameo appearance at James Kennedy's 90 Second Newberry Film Festival. 6-8pm at Harold Washington Library on State Street here in Chicago. Whether I'll be giving a "Smart Aleck" presentation on John Newberry or just showing a video entitled "John Newberry: Morally Upright Weenie" remains to be seen.
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