Adam Selzer.com

YA Stuff to Avoid From Now On

noreply@blogger.com (Adam Selzer) — Wed, 23 May 2012 12:26:00 +0000

Some time ago I made a list of things not to do in YA anymore. I've done some of them before myself. No more..

1. No more girls who listen to The Smiths. No references to The Smiths at all. Even if the book takes place in the 1980s.

2. No more references to Salinger (this has not been as common a thing in YA since Twilight took over, really - may be time to change this one to "references to Jane Austen or Romeo and Juliet").

3. No more geeks who dream of hanging out with the "popular kids." Nobody likes popular kids. I have no idea why people call them "popular." They're not.

4. No more main characters who want to be writers.

5. No more evil cheerleaders, even if it IS true to life. May still work if they're zombies or something, though. I HAVE always wanted to do a book called "Pushing Cheerleaders Down the Stairs."

6. No more using "psycho girlfriends" as a comedic device. Psychotic girlfriends are no more "funny" than douchebag would-be rapists are "romantic."

7. No more listening to people who say you should never mention pop culture in a book. The REAL rule is "never use pop culture to show readers how hip you are." Every classic book I can think of mentions pop culture of the day, and when I pick up a book from the 1960s, I expect them to talk about the Beatles or something. Sure, there ARE readers who want every book to seem like it might have taken place in the previous couple of weeks, but do we really need to aim every book at THOSE people?

8. No more trying to set books in the 1990s, even though building a plot is a LOT easier if no one has a cell phone. Seriously - go back and read some books from the 1970s-90s and see how many of them have a plot that would have been resolved by page 10 if someone had a cell phone. Even now, I have to have characters lose theirs occasionally or something, or there's no reason to go out on the road and have an adventure. Let it be a challenge to you.

9. No more dystopias without flying motorcycles. Because flying motorcycles are awesome and I don't want there to be a future that doesn't have them. Really, any dystopia set in a world that doesn't look like a Meat Loaf video is just not okay with me.

10. No more male leads who are that one character that Michael Cera always plays. You know what I mean. Good natured guys who read a lot of comic books and dream of dating a girl who listens to the Smiths. I want more male leads who AREN'T just killing time until they go to college and become a software engineer. More guys with poor grammar and a dim future, please. A while ago I re-read a 1986 book called Dear Bruce Springsteen. The down-on-his-luck D-minus student who narrates it reminds me of LOTS of people I've known in real life, but I can't think of a single other narrator like him. This is the kind of book that makes me want to start a blog on 70s-90s books that we'd call YA today.

I WOULD have a thing about "no romantic interests who act like rapists," but this is really a list for ME, and I wouldn't do that, anyway. It's implied in #6. I did have a book where the BAD guy was a vampire who tried to convert (basically rape and kill) the narrator against her will; it stunned and disgusted me how many bloggers said that they didn't understand why she didn't like that guy, or said that if they could date any character in the book, it would be him. Maybe the publisher should have let me be more explicit about the conversion process worked, though saying it's "similar to sex, but not exactly the same" and having it kill you and turn you into a member of the walking undead ought to be enough, really.

I'm a Rochester Tour Guide Now

noreply@blogger.com (Adam Selzer) — Fri, 18 May 2012 13:17:00 +0000

I'm in Rochester today for the Teen Book Fest. After waking up way too early, as usual, I decided to take a stroll. I wanted to see where Corinthian Hall was, since Charles Dickens performed there a couple of times, and then walk up to the high waterfall, like Dickens and his tour manager did. The hall is long gone, but the site of it is right around the corner from here. The waterfall is just a half mile or so up the river.

As I walked across the bridge over the high fall, a drunk on a bench pointed out the entrances to some tunnels below. "I'm sort of a tour guide," he said. "Me, too!" I said. "But in Chicago."

He sat me down, said his name was Tim, and offered me a sip of vodka. I didn't take it because it was 7:30 in the morning and he smelled of pee. But he told me the whole history of the falls.

After that, I walked out to the old mill and power station nearby on Brown's Race and read some of the historical signs. A couple of people were wandering around asking questions, and I answered them using what I'd learned from Tim and the signs. A real tour guide doesn't need to have been to a place before to give a tour of it.

Yesterday I went out to the Eastman House to see a couple of movies that were filmed in Chicago in 1907 for a new book I'm doing. Tonight I'll be at a library that has a secret room in it - I know all about it from Daniel Pinkwater's book, Yobgorgle, The Mystery Monster of Lake Ontario. My quest to see every place Pinkwater wrote about will reach another milestone. I first read that book 20 years ago or so, and I'm very excited to see this place in person. Rochester is nicer than he made it out to be; maybe it's just improved in the years since the book came out.

Having a good time here. Last night AS King, James Kennedy, Terry Trueman and I stayed up in the "author's suite" swapping war stories. AS and James are out on school visits today. I'm out meeting drunks. If you're in the area, come by the Teen Book Fest tomorrow!

Sparks Stuff

noreply@blogger.com (Adam Selzer) — Wed, 16 May 2012 20:43:00 +0000

Here's a new version of the trailer:

There's also a new tumblr with pictures from "Holy Quests."

"SJ's" first public event will be this weekend at the Rochester Teen Book Fest. I'll be there, too. Not sure how we're going to work THAT one out, yet. Putting that book out under the name SJ Adams seemed like the best idea at the time for many, many reasons, but now I usually wish I hadn't done it.

I Know From Pranks. That Was No Prank, Mr. Romney.

noreply@blogger.com (Adam Selzer) — Fri, 11 May 2012 11:42:00 +0000

I love pranks. I just pulled a real classic tonight on my tour - I pulled our bus alongside a cab and said "Is your engine running?" When the confirmed that it was (obviously), I said "you'd better go and catch it!"

Everyone had a good laugh. This was the oldest one in the book, but a new prank for me. My usual trick on the bus is to challenge other drivers to a race ("if we're going downhill and have the wind at our back, we can get this baby up to 45 miles per hour!"). Occasionally I'll ask if they have any Grey Poupon, or, given that I'm on a "ghost tours" bus, ask if passersby know how many people splattered to a messy death on the spot where they're standing. Some people are less amused by this than others (one guy who appeared to be Amish looked like he was going to pull a knife on me a few years ago), but they're all in good fun. Pranks always are.

Earlier in the day, though, a news story had broken that when he was in high school, Mitt Romney had his friends hold a kid down while he cut his hair. The kid was widely rumored to be gay, and presumably his hair style was an indicator of this. Mitt claims not to remember it, but doesn't deny it, and there are plenty of surviving witnesses to the incident.

Lots of people, I would even say most people, do things in high school that they aren't proud of later - I can think of a few things I did to people that I feel bad about now. And certainly in the early 1960s, the idea that one should be tolerant to homosexuals wasn't on everyone's radar yet. Even as late as a few years ago, people were still operating under the impression that gays were all a bunch of perverts who decided to be gay in order to tear at the moral fabric of society (or something). Anyone who grew up in Mitt's era probably said and did things that would be considered politically incorrect today. And few were making a case for gay rights back then, so it's not particularly reasonable to expect Mitt to have been so far ahead of his time on the issue. I believe Mitt when he says he didn't realize the guy was actually gay. In those days, one could still plausibly imagine that they'd never actually met a homosexual, and no one would tell them they were fooling themselves.

But most of what we call "politically incorrect" is really just plain incorrect, and holding a terrified student down and cutting his hair isn't a prank. A prank is all in good fun, and you imagine that at the end of it, even the victim will probably have a good laugh. The cab driver tonight had a good laugh, and we wished each other a good night as we each drove off beyond the light. The kind of stories we're hearing about Mitt veer beyond "pranks" and into Draco Malfoy territory.

I have some experience to speak of here - when I was in high school, it was widely rumored that I was gay because I had curly hair. Pointing out that it was natural didn't help; one line I heard a lot was "mine is curly too, but I do the right thing and get a crew cut." For the most part this was just people being ignorant, but sometimes it got worse. One guy at work chased me with knives while his friends cheered him on and tried to block escape routes. I can tell you right now that I didn't end up laughing about it later. I spent a few days flinching every time I heard a car door open, thinking the guy was going to be behind me with a bunch of his friends. I spent my remaining few days at that job watching my back.

And I'm sure that all of those guys probably grew up to be decent, respectable human beings. Looking back on it now, I imagine they're embarrassed about it. I don't know what their names were anymore, but if I ran into them and brought it up, I imagine they'd seem a bit flustered and say "Oh, man, I can't believe we did that. We were pretty awful back then." That wouldn't be an apology, exactly, but it would at show that they knew it was wrong, and that they were't proud of it. That would be good enough (for a guy who didn't expect me to elect him president or anything).

But Romney's response has been a weak "If anyone's offended, I'm sorry," and now an accusation that the president has launched a conspiracy against him by having the story come out now, like HE'S the victim here. That he claims not to remember it is especially damning. I can imagine that he'd forgotten all about it, or hadn't thought of it in years, but it seems that no one else in the room ever forgot it, so I can't imagine that it doesn't ring a bell for him.

I don't think that being a jackass in high school, even taking it way too far in something like this, disqualifies you from being president 50 years later, but a LEADER would show some remorse, show that he understands that what he did back then was wrong, and maybe find a way to turn it into a teachable moment. His actions all those years ago paint him as an entitled little prep school snot back then, but it's how he's responding to it now that's making him look like he wouldn't be much of a leader. Right now, he's not even acting like a man.

Smart Aleck's Guide to Macbeth

noreply@blogger.com (Adam Selzer) — Thu, 10 May 2012 13:59:00 +0000

The Smart Aleck's Guide to Shakespeare: Macbeth

Just 2.99 on

Kindle

or Nook (epub)

Don't have one of those?

Read it on a free Kindle app

for your pc, mac, iPad or phone.

Or a free NOOK app

for pc, mac, iPad, or phone

14.99 for 353 page print edition

Finally - a study guide that doesn't assume you're an idiot! The team that brought you the acclaimed SMART ALECK'S GUIDE TO AMERICAN HISTORY is back with a fantastic new series of "study guides for the smart kids" about Shakespeare - including all the stuff your school board would probably rather you didn't find out about. There's something here for everyone, from middle schoolers trying to get through English class to grad students who've read every play a million times, all WITHOUT resorting to re-writing the plays to include the word "dude." Each illustrated Shakespeare guide contains:

- Complete text of the play, plus detailed summaries and analysis of every scene, with an active Table of Contents and internal links for easy navigation.

- All the info you need about Shakespeare's life, times and language (30k words!), including sections on Elizabethan slang, cheat sheets on how money and nobility worked, the history Shakespeare expected his audience to know, tips on how to survive if you get beamed back to 1593, and a useful essay on the roles of sex, violence, and poop in Elizabethan life and literature - like an Elizabethan version of of What Jane Austen Ate and Charles Dickens Knew.

- Guides to movie versions of the play, the sources Shakespeare used in creating the works, a history of the individual play, guides to controversies about each play that make scholars throw folding chairs at one another, and more.

- Numerous illustrations, many of which contain hilarious mustaches and stupid hats.

- Tangents about the Muppets, Star Wars, or whatever else the staff feels like (we don't let the Texas School Board tell US what to do!)

- A general lack of worksheets, vocabulary words, sentence diagrams, and other stuff that would suck all the life out of the plays.

- A section on Shakespeare's "Lost" plays (with several chances to earn $5).

And a whole lot more. Twice as informative, and ten times as entertaining, as the next leading brand of study guides - Smart Aleck's Guides have the courtesy to assume that their readers are not complete morons to start with. The Smart Aleck Staff is confident that they can help you understand and enjoy Shakespeare without resorting to any cheap tricks to "bring him down to your level." They don't really care if you get a good grade or not, but with one guide, you could end up knowing more about Shakespeare than your teacher!

The MACBETH guide contains:

- The full play, with analysis of each scene

- Character List

-"Whose Macbeth Is It, Anyway?" (or, is the text we have really just Thomas Middleton's attempt to punch up an older Shakespeare play?)

- A section on witches in Shakespeare's day - and ours.

- A piece on the "curse" of Macbeth

- A whole section about the play's connection to Disney's "Beauty and the Beast" to go with our usual speculation about what a Muppet version of MACBETH would be like

- "Who is the Third Murderer?"

- A review of Macbeth from 1610.

- A bit on the debate about whether the "weird sisters" are "witches" or "Fates"

- A "Macbeth Scorecard."

- A section of stupid hats from various productions of the play.

- "The Shakespeare Capers Vol. 1: Foul is Fair" (a hard-boiled detective story starring "Duke" Stratford, private eye, which has nothing to do with the play).

Upcoming Event: Zombies at the Library Lock-in

noreply@blogger.com (Adam Selzer) — Mon, 23 Apr 2012 15:23:00 +0000

August 3rd is national Zombies at the Library day, with lock-ins for readers age 12-18 being held at libraries all over the place.

I'll be appearing at the one in Carol Stream, IL.

The Giving Pig

noreply@blogger.com (Adam Selzer) — Thu, 19 Apr 2012 00:01:00 +0000

This came out of a couple of conversations with the kids and staff of Glenside Middle School and Glenside Public Library over the last couple of days. There was some talk about the fact that there are really no recent books for young readers about WW1 (and probably none forthcoming, because I can't imagine any of publishers WANTING me to write such a book). Here's an attempt at one: just add pictures. Particular note goes to Julie Jurgens.

THE GIVING PIG

In 1917, there lived a farmer who had a talking pig. One day the farmer came to see the pig, and the pig, who was sensitive and caring, noticed that the farmer seemed depressed.

"What's wrong?" asked the pig.

"The country has gone to war," said the farmer. "I have sent all of my children away to fight, and the country is running low on food. We need bacon for breakfast."

"Take my son," said the pig. "You can make him into bacon."

So the farmer took the pig's son, and the people in the farmhouse had bacon for a long time to come, even though there was a war on and rations were strict.

Then one day, the farmer came back, and looked sad again.

"It is nearly Easter," he said. "And we are under strict rations. It will never be the same celebrating Easter without the children, but it looks as though we may not even have any ham."

"Take my daughter," said the pig. "You can make her into a wonderful ham."

So the farmer took the pig's daughter, and the part of his family that was not fighting in the Great War had a delicious ham for easter. The pig didn't mind so much, because he knew they were going to get eaten eventually anyway. He thought that maybe if he kept sending off his children, the farmer would be so grateful that he'd never eat him.

Then, one day, the farmer came back looking very sad.

"What is wrong?" asked the pig. "Do you have to eat me?"

"Yes," said the farmer. "I will have to eat you. But that is not why I'm sad."

At this point, since he was about to be killed, the pig didn't really care what was on the farmer's mind anymore, but the farmer spoke up to explain himself anyway.

"The war is over," said the farmer. "And we won."

"Isn't that a good thing?" asked the pig.

"Yes, but my sons were killed in the trenches," said the farmer, "and even though the war is over, it didn't really accomplish anything. I sent my children away to be slaughtered, and it was all for nothing."

"Yeah," said the pig. "Tell me about it."

The End

Wandering

noreply@blogger.com (Adam Selzer) — Thu, 12 Apr 2012 01:20:00 +0000

Wandering around in my neighborhood today, I came upon Nini's Deli, a new Cuban deli/organic shop at Ohio and Noble, in a building that was once the clubhouse of a greaser gang called (I'm not making this up) The Almighty Gaylords.

I have not had one of their sandwiches yet, on account of it being Passover, but I DID marvel at the selection of candy and pop. I am a pop addict. I have stopped buying twelve packs of Pepsi, or any other pop to keep in the house, but I crave trips to restaurants where I can get a Pepsi, and occasionally do pick up a micro-brewed root beer or a 2 liter of something. I can't stop myself.

Nini's was carrying a thing called Chai Cola. It's cola, but "tea-and-spice flavored" cola. It's everything the late, lamented "Pepsi Holiday Spice" aspired to be. I was back for more inside of an hour.

It's remarkable how many stores and restaurants in a half mile radius of my house I've never been to. Now that I'm back in the ghost tour biz I'm drawing my first regular pay checks in, well, ever, and taking advantage by actually going INTO some of the places I usually just walk or bike past.

And speaking of that, I can now announce that I'll have a new GHOSTS OF CHICAGO book out via Llewellyn next Fall!

Smart Aleck's Guide to Shakespeare: Romeo and Juliet

noreply@blogger.com (Adam Selzer) — Tue, 10 Apr 2012 12:04:00 +0000

Full-length illustrated ebook
Only $2.99

available editions:

kindle

nook

(ibooks edition coming
soon)

Don't have one of those?

You can read it on a free Kindle app

for your pc, mac, iPad or phone.

Or a free NOOK app

for pc, mac, iPad, or phone

363 oversized-page print edition available
for 14.99

Finally - a study guide that doesn't assume you're an idiot! The team that brought you the acclaimed SMART ALECK'S GUIDE TO AMERICAN HISTORY is back with a fantastic new series of "study guides for the smart kids" about Shakespeare - including all the stuff your school board would probably rather you didn't find out about. There's something here for everyone, from middle schoolers trying to get through English class to grad students who've read every play a million times, all WITHOUT resorting to re-writing the plays to include the ford "dude." Each illustrated Shakespeare guide contains:

- Complete text of the play, plus detailed summaries and analysis of every scene, with an active Table of Contents and internal links for easy navigation.

- Numerous illustrations, many of which contain hilarious mustaches and stupid hats.

- Tangents about the Muppets, Star Wars, or whatever else the staff feels like (we don't let the Texas School Board tell US what to do!)

- A general lack of worksheets, vocabulary words, sentence diagrams, and other stuff that would suck all the life out of the plays.

- A section on Shakespeare's "Lost" plays (with several chances to earn $5).

Projects 'n' Pants

noreply@blogger.com (Adam Selzer) — Sat, 07 Apr 2012 12:49:00 +0000

First off: The Smart Aleck's Guide to Romeo and Juliet will be out on Tuesday, the first in our series of Shakespeare e-guides!

Second: I can now announce that I'll be doing a GHOSTS OF CHICAGO book for Llewellyn Press - it'll be out this fall!

Third: I'll be at Glenside Library on Tuesday, April 17, at 7pm. I'll also be doing some school visits to fifth graders, and they asked if I could provide a picture of myself at that age.

I was in fifth grade in 1991. Right around the time that Hammer pants were in fashion:

This is my friends and I playing in the traffic. I'm the one in the neon shoelaces (I was very gnarly and wore a lot of neon) and the colorful pants. "Hammer pants" were not necessarily giant pants; some were just pants covered in wacky designs. It is sobering to consider that Nirvana and Steve Urkel became popular right around the same time. I was very much in the habit of breaking into Steve Urkel impressions.

In fact, I remember this day well: it's the day I won the "show" category at the Pinewood Derby for my Bart Simpson-shaped car. Even the sneakers on which I could pump up the tongue did not make me look particularly cool here. But I remember that while we were at the mall that day, I saw Nevermind for the first time in the record store:

By sixth grade I had cleaned up my act somewhat, but was still a dork by the standards of the day. Being into Star Wars was not cool at the time.

I still have that shirt, twenty years later. Maybe I'll wear it to Glenside.

Sparks nominated for the Rainbow List

noreply@blogger.com (Adam Selzer) — Wed, 04 Apr 2012 13:28:00 +0000

SPARKS by SJ ADAMS is up for the ALA's Rainbow List.

As mentioned before, SJ is currently MIA after going on an expedition to the North Pole in a home-made vehicle. Our last communication was a message to HQ saying "we have been for three days without snuff." SJ's not a snuff user to start with, so we aren't that worried.

PROJECTS!

noreply@blogger.com (Adam Selzer) — Thu, 29 Mar 2012 18:50:00 +0000

What have I been working on?

- A new middle grade/YA project (sent the revised ms to my agent yesterday)

- A book called Speaking Ill of the Dead: Jerks from Chicago History for Globe Press (finishing up the photo stuff).

- A whole BUNCH of H.H. Holmes ebooks - one on his trial, one on the "curse of HH Holmes," and one analyzing his 1896 "confession" (which was mostly nonsense). (you can find links to all of those over at Chicago Unbelievable).

- Working up marketing ideas for a new YA book that is being shopped around.

- Preparing a "work for hire" sample for another publisher.

- Five or six ghost tours a week via Chicago Hauntings

- Getting the Back Row Hooligans album up onto iTunes. Just found out that a couple of songs have been played on Dr. Demento!

- A podcast interview for Made of Fail (warning: adult language - mostly not from me, but still).

- A whole, whole lot of iPhone Skee-Ball.

THINGS I STILL NEED TO DO:

- Figure out what the heck to do with the "Satanic YA" novel.

- Finish up the Smart Aleck's Guides to four Shakespeare plays.

- Write a book about the Chicago mob for Globe.

- Write a Chicago ghostlore book for a TBA publisher (due out next year)

- Write up a "Ghost Hunting: A Guide for Skeptics" (or: How To HAve Fun Looking For Ghosts Without Feeling Like an Idiot") ebook for the same TBA publisher.

New short ebook: THE OBSTACLE COURSE: An Epic Tale of Adventure and Having To Pee

noreply@blogger.com (Adam Selzer) — Sat, 03 Mar 2012 12:52:00 +0000

When Mrs. Kingfield's class is assigned to write a story, Brendan Butte is just joking around when he starts writing one about a kid who has to go to the bathroom really, really, badly, but the only one is on top of a ten story obstacle course. However, the story is so much fun to write that he just can't stop...... A short work from Adam Selzer (I Put a Spell On You, Random House 2008 and Andrew North Blows Up the World, Random House 2009, among others), THE OBSTACLE COURSE is a story for young readers about the joy of creative writing (in a way). Appropriate for all ages, includes an active table of contents.

New short ebook - only 99 cents!

Amazon (Kindle)

BN (Nook)

Don't have one of those?

Read it on a free Kindle app

for your pc, mac, iPad or phone.

Or a free NOOK app

for pc, mac, iPad, or phone

Reviews of EXTRAORDINARY

noreply@blogger.com (Adam Selzer) — Tue, 21 Feb 2012 15:58:00 +0000

It took a few months, but reviews have started to come in for Extraordinary. Here's the latest, from School Library Journal:

Gr 9 Up–Simply put, this story is funny. Despite what Eileen Codlin wrote in her best-selling book about Jennifer Van Der Berg, the 14-year-old’s life is no fairy tale. Sure, her days might consist of real vampires, a pooping unicorn, and a fake fairy godparent, but mostly Jennifer is just a girl trying to figure out her place in the world. Extraordinary follows what really happens when drunk and foul-mouthed Gregory Grue presents himself to Jennifer as her fairy godfather. His arrival sparks a chain of events that includes vampire conversions, a murder, and a dreamy long-lost friend coming back to town. The “real” story is peppered with excerpts from Codlin’s book, which are basically some not-so-subtle jabs at the most popular young adult books of the past couple of years. Selzer has created a unique story that will surely find a place in the hearts of teens who gag over the romances of sparkling vampires. The book is unpredictable, silly, and compelling despite the repeated mention of how vile unicorn poop is. Selzer has found a great balance between the fantastical and relatable, tapping into the teenage challenge of being original by doing more than just dying your hair purple. A fun and timely parody.–Emily Chornomaz, Camden County Library System, NJ

A couple of recent blog reviews:

Flamingnet: "Adam Selzer did an amazing job...while reading Jennifer's story, I felt everything she felt. That's how realistic Selzer's writing was."

San Francisco Book Review: "A comedic tightrope Selzer strolls across with style."

Princess Althea's Magical Elixer: "Adam Selzer's humor is brilliant. I tip my tiara to you, sir. You have made a new fan."

Kiss the Book

Parkersburg News and Sentinel

These all go along well with the Bulletin of the Center for Children's Books review:

In a world where vampires and zombies are accepted as fact (and even enrolled in high school), you might think that the appearance of a fairy godmother wouldn’t be that surprising, but when Gregory Grue shows up looking like an unkempt drunk and claiming to be Jennifer’s “fairy godmofo,” he’s not what she’s expecting. Still, he manages to deliver all three of Jennifer’s wishes, including a request to reconnect with her childhood sweetheart, Mutual. What Gregory fails to mention, however, is that as payment for her wishes, Jennifer must complete a task of Gregory’s choosing; his choice involves Jennifer kissing and/or being converted by a vampire who is decidedly not Mutual. The premise has all the trappings of a predictable supernatural rom-com, but Selzer zigs where other authors would zag, turning the genre on its head and offering up an entirely refreshing and wonderfully witty romp that involves romance, intrigue, negotiations with vampire clans, and an enormous amount of unicorn poop. Realistically flawed and well aware of it, Jennifer is an immensely relatable protagonist, and her choices ring true to her character instead of being merely convenient to the plot, making the structure of what turns out to be a rather complicated storyline feel even more, as the title suggests, extraordinary. Readers familiar with Selzer’s I Kissed a Zombie and I Liked It (BCCB 3/10) will no doubt recognize the “post-human” world and its details, but knowledge of the previous book is not at all needed to enjoy this deliciously irreverent tale of not-totally-happy endings. KQG

Robbin' Graves and Takin' Names

noreply@blogger.com (Adam Selzer) — Fri, 17 Feb 2012 13:30:00 +0000

When Random House told the Smart Aleck Staff they were free to put together a few ebooks to follow The Smart Aleck's Guide to American History, they didn't expect this!

A newly-formatted edition of The Smart Aleck's Guide to Grave Robbing is now available on the ibook store! Just click here:

Charles Dickens and Batman

noreply@blogger.com (Adam Selzer) — Tue, 07 Feb 2012 15:27:00 +0000

Daniel Pinkwater once told me he learned all he needed to know about books and their function for young readers by reading the letters to the editor of Batman comic books from the 1940s. Every letter, he said was a variation on "I'm 8, and my brother Sheldon is 4. Can you have Batman beat up a kid named Sheldon?" In other words - it was all wish fulfillment.

This is certainly true in modern YA. The field these days revolves around books where the girl (who readers are supposed to think is just like them) loving her first boyfriend forever and ever (despite one of them having a terrible secret). I'm a bit disturbed by the letters I get from girls who read I Kissed a Zombie and I Liked It and write me or leave comments saying they wish they had a boyfriend like Doug who loved them even though he was dead.

It seems that Charles Dickens, who turns 200 today, got letters not unlike the letters that the editors of Batman got. In 1841, he wrote a letter in reply to a kid who'd been reading Nicholas Nickleby and apparently asked him to beat the heck out of Wackford Squeers (sort of the 19th century Dolores Umbridge) and give Nicholas and his friends some money and sheep, plus a nice meal of roast lamb and porter (the kid seems to have liked sheep, both to own and to eat). Dickens' delightful letter in reply to the kid is reprinted in today's Letters of Note.

Happy birthday, Dickens!

Drink Your Juice (Or You'll Get Scurvy) video

noreply@blogger.com (Adam Selzer) — Sat, 28 Jan 2012 12:53:00 +0000

Ran across this on youtube - someone put up a video for "Drink Your Juice (Or You'll Get Scurvy)" by The Back Row Hooligans.

This is the second time that I know that someone has made a video of one of my songs. The other was a video of the piano version of "Like a Prayer" that I laid down during sessions for a record of mine about 10 years ago. That video is a montage of photos of the Adam Selzer from Portland who is a well-respected producer and musician in the indie world.

Strange Things Happen in this World

noreply@blogger.com (Adam Selzer) — Wed, 25 Jan 2012 00:02:00 +0000

Saw a list of notable alums of the State University of West Georgia, at which I did half of my undergrad work.

How very odd to see my name on a list that Newt Gingrich is also on.

None of the ghost stories I tell seem all that odd in comparison, really.

SJ on the Air!

noreply@blogger.com (Adam Selzer) — Sat, 14 Jan 2012 00:28:00 +0000

KMSU has posted a 20 minute segment in which I discuss, and read from, SPARKS (which I wrote under the name SJ Adams).

Listen to it or download it here!

Review: SPARKS is "a game changer."

noreply@blogger.com (Adam Selzer) — Sat, 07 Jan 2012 05:30:00 +0000

There are some reviews that have launched people's careers - like Dorothy Parker's review of Harlan Ellison. Or Robert Shelton's review of Bob Dylan. Or the one from 1974 where Jon Landau said "I saw rock and roll future, and its name is Bruce Springsteen." Shelton's review got Dylan a record deal (with Columbia. At age 20). Landau finally got Columbia to pay attention to Bruce instead of just slipping him out and thinking of dropping him (that anyone COULD get dropped after those stunning first two records sort of makes you take pause). And that Ellison could have been thought of as strictly a pulp fiction guy given the quality of his best 1950s/early 60s work is sobering.

I don't think any YA blog has the same pull as Parker, Shelton or Ellison did in their prime, honestly. There's a middle grade blog or two where a rave can make a real difference in your sales, but YA is a different world. In fact, I've been a fairly harsh critic of all those Memes n Drama blogs that focus more on contests than content. And I'm not alone. Honestly, if I repeated the way I'd heard authors, agents, and editors complete the sentence "there are a few great blogs, but...," the scandal would go on for weeks. Authors are known to kiss up to bloggers incessantly in public - I've played that game myself. But believe me, when we meet for lunch or a drink, the conversation is different.

However, there are a few in particular that I really do recommend. Like The Book Lantern, which is known to ruffle some feathers with its criticism of some of the dominant themes in today's YA (it's drama, but it's for a good cause). And there's John Jacobsen's Dreaming in Books , one of the rare male voices in the YA blogosphere, whose reviews are lengthy and articulate. Like Roger Ebert, even when you don't agree with John, you at least get the idea that he knows what he's talking about, and get a sense of whether you might like/dislike a book more than he did (and, incidentally, if you read Ebert's 1 and 4 star reviews, you can skip every "writing craft" book out there - he may be writing about movies, but he'll tell you all you need to know about writing). These are blogs that expect writers to write good books - not just to stick to the trends.

Reviews on these blogs may still not get Columbia to push you so hard that you end of on the cover of TIME and NEWSWEEK in the same week, but they're gratifying as all get out.

So it's REALLY nice to get a good review from him. A REALLY good one. Like Parker on Ellison, Shelton on Dylan, Landau on Springsteen good. I got reviews that felt like raves from some of the trades on I Kissed a Zombie, and a couple of my others, but you only get a paragraph or two in those things. As a writer, you always fantasize about people articulating what they like about your book at great length. I'm not going to lie to you. This is a fine ego trip at a time when I can use one. It's reviews like this that make you feel like you're good at your job and ought to keep doing it, no matter what that pesky student loan officer says.

Some excerpts:

Every once in a while an LGBTQ book comes out for the YA audience that just strikes me as being a game-changer for my expectations of LGBTQ YA.....Back to my usual schpeel - the writing in Sparks is fabulous. Truly, truly fabulous. This is the kind of book that will make hipster YA readers (you know who you are, peeps) and commercial readers equally happy. The book satisfies on a basic level, but as you can tell from above, there's more here than meets the eye. Adams writes truly hilarious situations - I laughed many, many times while reading this book - and he has a great balance of satire, regular humor, and seriousness. He doesn't stay too serious, though, and that's what will make readers fall in love with this book.... This book is more than a journey novel - more than a cross-town road trip.....I just can't say enough about Sparks. This is a book that is so different from the contemporary and LGBTQ YA out there today. It's not angsty...eople that want diversity done without a heavy hand; without a stereotyped view. They will all find something in Sparks. Go out and buy this book. I can't recommend it enough."

Full review

A Joyful Playlist

noreply@blogger.com (Adam Selzer) — Wed, 28 Dec 2011 15:24:00 +0000

I tend to go on and on about the "Ragged Glory" playlist that lasted me the whole time I worked on SPARKS, from the first draft to the last copyedits. The songs all have a ragged, soaring, triumphant quality that I wanted in the book. I don't think playlists help much with rough drafts, but they're fun to make and help me a lot on revisions. You play a song with the right vibe and try to build the scene to work like that song is playing in the background.

Today I made a very important decision that I think will change my life: I typed "Slade" into the "Create a Station" field on Pandora. The station this created has me jumping off the wall as I bang my head and sing along to "Somebody to Love," "Cum On Feel the Noise," and "Long Cool Woman in a Black Dress."

It makes me want to talk about my "joyful" playlist, which I switched to for a couple of scenes in the book during revisions. Songs that sound like the band and singer are so happy they can hardly contain themselves and want you to feel the same way. Here's what's on that:

"Oh Yoko!" by John Lennon. The harmonica solo at the end is pure distilled joy.

"Hold Me Now" by Polyphonic Spree. I'm not sure what they're on about in this song - I'm never sure what these guys are on about. But they sure sound uplifting. It's like an indie "Up With People."

I always wanted to start a band called "Up To Here With People."

"Good Lovin" by the Grateful Dead. Once I was at a show where they played this, and a rainbow appeared in the sky. I told a dead head about it and he said "Yeah, that happens a lot at Dead shows. There's a lot of psychic energy." I'm pretty skeptical about stuff like that, but there's no possible scientific explanation to explain how all those VW micro-busses in the parceling lot are still running.

"We Are Golden" by Mika. Fun!

"Don't Stop Believin' (Glee version). I never felt like the show lived up to the promise of the pilot. I like it when their music really sounds more or less like something a really good glee club would do (plus guitar and drums). They usually just sound like karaoke versions. But I sure loved that pilot! Did they ever get around to the gag I assumed they were going for where "new directions" sounds like "nude erections?" The "Halo/Walking On Sunshine" mashup is on there, too.

"My Favorite Things" by The Mountain Goats. One of their dozens of "unreleased" numbers. A minute long song about hearing John Coltrane on the radio while dancing with someone you're probably about to sleep with. "you put your arm around me and it felt real fine /and your ankle brushed up against mine / and resonating in my bones / the precise, crisp, drumming of Mr. Elvin Jones / god damn it! / i love john coltrane!" I swear he actually sings the exclamation point. John Darnielle tends to sing in italics. He does not sing his songs so much as he declares them.

"Oh, Mary Don't You Weep" by Bruce Springsteen an the Seeger Sessions band. The Seeger Sessions band sounded like what old folk music should have always sounded like, but it's a sound that couldn't exist in a world without mixing boards. An 18 piece folk band with a banjo, a tuba, an accordion, and a ragged band of gypsies vibe. I really hope he brings this band back - or makes up for the loss of Clarence by sort of merging the E Street band with some of these guys (which is pretty much what he's already started).

"Janglin" by Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros. These guys (like Polyphonic Spree) sort of seem like a cult. But what a swell cult! One line I just can't get past here is "We want to heal ya / we don't mean to kill ya." Well, good. I wouldn't want to listen to a band that meant to kill me (and wasn't a Norwegian black metal band).

"Kick Drum Heart" by The Avett Brothers. A bouncy song on an album that is generally not bouncy.

"In The Aeroplane Over the Sea" by Neutral Milk Hotel seems like it fits into every playlist ever. All building up to the line "can't believe / how strange it is to be anything at all" which is sort of what Sparks is all about. I would have written that right in, but Flux is pretty hardcore about not quoting any lyrics. This made writing the scenes where they listen to "God Only Knows" and "This Year" and "It's All right Ma, I'm Only Bleeding" an interesting challenge. This is not a song Debbie would like, though. It took forever for this band to click with me, and Debbie is not into artsy, avant grade-type stuff. Maybe one day she will be. Not yet.

"Such Great Heights" by The Postal Service. This makes me think of my wife.

"Love the One You're With" by Stephen Stills. When I was about 14 I went to see a Shakespeare in the Park thing where they did Midsummer Night's Dream with hippies in place of fairies, and between acts a band played this. One of those songs (like "You may Be Right" by Billy Joel) where, if you pay too much attention, you'll start thinking the singer is acting like a complete douchebag, but they make it fun anyway.

"What Is Life" by George Harrison. My favorite of his solo songs. "Waiting ON You All" would have worked in any Sparks playlist, too.

"My Roller Coaster" by Kimya Dawson. One of her happier songs. All the people in this book need to listen to more Kimya Dawson records. We all do, probably. The importance of "Nothing Came Out' by her band, The Moldy Peaches, to SPARKS can not be over-stated. Sounds like a funny song if you've never been "there," but I think it's really their most doggedly serious song.

"Queen of the World" by Ida Maria. I love Ida Maria. This is one of her happier songs, where the depression underneath is more effectively buried. She features very prominently on the playlist for another upcoming book tentatively titled Mad to Live, and "We're All Going to Hell" is on the Satanic YA book playlists (of course).

"Valerie Plame" by the Decemberists. "Engine Driver" turns up in most of my other playlists, but this one delights me more. Something about opening a song with "Valerie Plame / if that really IS your name" makes me smile.

"What Light" by Wilco. THe "Sing, Sing a Song" of my generation.

"The Happy Wanderer" by The Polkaholics. These guys are the greatest band in Chicago. They are a guitar-drum-bass combo that sounds like early Green Day, only they play polka. All polka is happy. It is happy music for happy people. "The Beer Barrel Polka" teaches us that something can start in Scranton and go to Number 1. The lead singer, Dandy Don Hedekker, is the name sake of the appliance store in the book I Put a Spell on You.

"Constructive Summer" by The Hold Steady. The Ragged Glory playlist was heavy on these guys.

Just added today to this list is "Stuck On F**in' You" by Lady Gaga. Sounds like a Beggar's Banquet outtake. She should do more songs like this. I found myself wishing that whole last record was a big more organic (but in that Jim Steinman and Meatloaf way, if that makes any sense).

Some other music writings I've done:

On Green Day

The Gospel of the Mountain Goats

The Hold Steady and the Gaslight Anthem: Two Gangs Fighting In the Same Springsteen Song

On 90s Alternative as Oldies

Moved a Link

noreply@blogger.com (Adam Selzer) — Mon, 26 Dec 2011 21:05:00 +0000

Had an article about Ron Paul on here a few hours ago, but it's been moved to The Smart Aleck's Guide page. I decided that was a better home for it.

Free MP3: Heavy Metal Vomit Christmas Party

noreply@blogger.com (Adam Selzer) — Sat, 24 Dec 2011 15:32:00 +0000

Happy holidays, everybody! Here's a free mp3:

"Heavy Metal Vomit Christmas Party" by the Back Row Hooligans (right click to save).

Out of the black night, with horrible vengeance, The Back Row Hooligans play kids music for really well-adjusted kids. Their first album is called Killin Folks and Breakin' Stuff. Get a link to download a zip file of the full album in high quality mp3 format (iTunes-ready!) for just $4.99! Or, send a proof of purchase of any Adam Selzer or SJ Adams book (order confirmation, blurry pic of you holding up a copy, whatever - we're easy to fool and not that picky) to staffATsmartalecksguide.com and get a free download link!

Lyrics:
Christmas with the family, my wife and kids are here
the fire is warm, oh what more could I want?
but there's something missing, I'm tugging at the strings
of my sweater, which has reindeer on the front
they're fuzzy in their splendor, but don't bring back the glow
that christmas with my family brought me all those years ago
so can we have a heavy metal vomit christmas party please?
if no one pukes, it doesn't feel like christmas time to me
You'd better not cry, you'd better not pout - I'm getting my Dokken tapes back out
let's get a mosh pit going all around the christmas tree

Every year my cousins would dub each other's tapes
as we played them on my grandma's stereo
we'd beat up on my brother, and act like youth gone wild
burning things, and making demons in the snow
One year cousin Larry bashed my skull into the wall
I'm bleeding in the shots of me with santa at the mall
oh can we have a heavy metal vomit christmas party please
the smell of vodka makes it feel like christmas time to me
when the grown-up table began to pray, the kids table rocked the night away
shouting at the devil all around the christmas tree

Oh, we were FUN at the christmas pageant.
My cousin gladys, who was the angel of the lord, threw horns while my cousins,
who were the wise men set fire to the manger and chanted "true norwegian black metal!"
We're not welcome at church anymore, but the memories last a lifetime.
I want to share that with my kids, honey!

I believe we need a heavy metal vomit christmas party please
I want my kids to know what what feels like christmas time to me
heedless of the wind and weather, let's all shout "no life til leather!"
I sold my soul for rock and roll around the christmas tree

Hey, let's sing some of my favorite Christmas songs!
Like, "Glumpy the Elf Who Sawed His Leg Off."
Or "Megadeth is Coming to Town." Or "Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas" -
with the ORIGINAL lyrics that Judy Garland thought were too depressing and
mean-spirited! Gosh! I love Christmas!

sugarplum fairies wear boots

(c) 2011 by Adam Selzer, ASCAP

New Podcast: Resurrection Mary Roundtable

noreply@blogger.com (Adam Selzer) — Mon, 19 Dec 2011 15:20:00 +0000

From Chicago Unbelievable:

New Episode!
Resurrection Mary
Roundtable Chat.

or archive.org

(itunes link will
start leading to the episode by the end
of 12/19)

More Podcasts

Last night I met with Ray Johnson, the Haunt Detective, and Dale Kaczmarek from the Ghost Research Society for a roundtable discussion about Resurrection Mary, Chicago's most famous ghost. Is she real? How old is the story? Who is she the ghost of? Get the free episode on iTunes (or right here) now!

Resurrection Mary is one of those vanishing hitchhikers; people pick her up on the South Side and give her a ride home - only to have her vanish as they drive past Resurrection Cemetery at 7200 S. Archer. We spent an hour talking about the story, its origins, and the various theories as to who Mary might be the ghost of (assuming she exists at all). There's some new information that we've recently uncovered - including stories of the cemetery gates, the night the police arrested "Resurrection Mary," what the cemetery's records say, and a whole lot more.

Pictures, video and more links here!

First Review of EXTRAORDINARY!

noreply@blogger.com (Adam Selzer) — Fri, 16 Dec 2011 19:15:00 +0000

Well, it took until five weeks after the book came out, but BULLETIN OF THE CENTER FOR CHILDREN'S BOOKS has issued the first trade review of EXTRAORDINARY.

Blurbs: "Selzer zigs where other authors would zag, turning the genre on its head and offering up an entirely refreshing and wonderfully witty romp that involves romance, intrigue...and an enormous amount of unicorn poop. Realistically flawed...Jennifer is an immensely relatable protagonist...deliciously irreverent."

Full review:

In a world where vampires and zombies are accepted as fact (and even enrolled in high school), you might think that the appearance of a fairy godmother wouldn’t be that surprising, but when Gregory Grue shows up looking like an unkempt drunk and claiming to be Jennifer’s “fairy godmofo,” he’s not what she’s expecting. Still, he manages to deliver all three of Jennifer’s wishes, including a request to reconnect with her childhood sweetheart, Mutual. What Gregory fails to mention, however, is that as payment for her wishes, Jennifer must complete a task of Gregory’s choosing; his choice involves Jennifer kissing and/or being converted by a vampire who is decidedly not Mutual. The premise has all the trappings of a predictable supernatural rom-com, but Selzer zigs where other authors would zag, turning the genre on its head and offering up an entirely refreshing and wonderfully witty romp that involves romance, intrigue, negotiations with vampire clans, and an enormous amount of unicorn poop. Realistically flawed and well aware of it, Jennifer is an immensely relatable protagonist, and her choices ring true to her character instead of being merely convenient to the plot, making the structure of what turns out to be a rather complicated storyline feel even more, as the title suggests, extraordinary. Readers familiar with Selzer’s I Kissed a Zombie and I Liked It (BCCB 3/10) will no doubt recognize the “post-human” world and its details, but knowledge of the previous book is not at all needed to enjoy this deliciously irreverent tale of not-totally-happy endings. KQG