Avast, ye scurvy scalawag! It's
THE BE A PIRATE CONTEST!


Pirates of the Retail Wasteland was released on April 8th, but many of the bigger book stores have been slow to put it on the shelf. Is it because of the anti-chain store content of the book? Is this The Book They Don't Want You to Read?

Well, probably not. But who knows?

To help get the book on the shelves, we here at adamselzer.com are launching the BE A PIRATE CONTEST. Help promote the book, pirate-style, and earn INDIE STREET CRED POINTS. Most people just use their indie street cred points to show people how good their taste in music is and whine about "mainstream movies" or "American Idol," but THESE indie street cred points can be traded for valuable prizes! Adam is now authorized to dispense indie street cred points. How he became the last word in who's hip and who's not is anyone's guess, but he probably got the gig the same way he became a historian - sneaking in through the back door!



SEE THE GALLERY OF ENTRIES SO FAR!

There are several ways to BE A PIRATE and earn indie street cred points:

1. Copy and paste the following text into your blog or webpage to post this banner:
.
That's worth one indie street cred point. You can also make your own banner - just make sure to link it to adamselzer.com. Extra points MAY be given, especially if you generate a whole lot of linkage.

2. Download the official "pirate flier," make a few copies, and plant them in the YA section of any book store that isn't currently stocking Pirates of the Retail Wasteland. CLICK HERE to download the flier as a pdf file, or CLICK HERE to get it as a jpg. Two fliers come to each page - just print 'em up, cut the pages in half, and get 'em in the stores! Send in pictures of the fliers in your local bookstore (or coffee shop, library, etc) to us here. Each store you hit is worth 2 indie street cred points! Some pictures have already been posted in the GALLERY. We'll include links to your myspace, deviant art, facebook, or whatever else you'd like, if you want! You scratched Adam's back, so he'll scratch yours!

3. If you've already read and enjoyed the book, post a review on amazon for two points!

4. Make your own promo video on Youtube - there are a few of them available here as examples. Send us a link - you'll get 2 indie street cred points right away, plus a bonus point for every 50 views you get! Send a link to the video here - we'll have links to everything here soon!

5. Send in "fan art" for the book (or for How to Get Suspended and Influence People) - the number of points each piece of art is worth will be determined by Adam after you send it in. Art will be posted online! Some is already in the GALLERY

6. Come up with your own creative way to promote the book, pirate-style. Email us your idea for approval first; we don't want anyone running around naked and shouting "Pirates!" and expecting to get street cred points for it. That kind of thing doesn't get you points, only citations for indecent exposure. And it'll make Adam look like an alleged smut peddlar - just like Leon in his first book, How To Get Suspended and Influence People. Points awarded will vary depending on the stunt.

EXTRA POINTS MAY BE AWARDED FOR CREATIVITY!


So what, you may reasonably ask, can you get with these wonderful Indie Street Cred Points? Well, your point will be emailed to you, and you can trade them in for valuable prizes!


PRIZES!

3 Points:

A fake mustache! Fool your friends! Get into r-rated movies, no questions asked!

5 points:

A a mystery piece of novelty junk! Curious? You should be! You'll still get the mustache, too.

8 points:


Another mystery piece of novelty junk! Hours of amusement, if you're easily amused! So, after just 8 points, you get a fake mustache and TWO pieces of jun...er...booty!

10 points:

Both of the above, plus an EYEPATCH! Be a pirate and take over a corporate chain store of your own! Or, just look like a dumbass, like Brian does in the book! Between the patch, the booty and the 'stache, you'll have all you need to be a pirate. Can I get a YARRR?

20 points:

all of the above, plus a certificate good for a FREE ghost tour from Weird Chicago Tours - they can probaby arrange for Adam to be the guide, if you like!

30 points:

All of the above, plus an autographed copy of Adam's next book!


EACH valuable prize comes with a signed Certificate of Indie Street Cred, a download link for an mp3 of Pirates Always Cheat at Bingo by The Back Row Hooligans PLUS at least one song from Adam's recent live album, and a coupon for a discount on a Weird Chicago Tour! You're all coming to Chicago soon, right? You can see the REAL Sip Coffee, the namesake of the coffee shop that appears in the book!

Whoever gets the most street cred will get a SPECIAL TROPHY indicating that they are the coolest person alive, except for Kevin Shapiro: King of the Streets. No one can touch that guy.

So, what are you waiting for, ye schwabs? Go be a pirate! Enter the BE A PIRATE contest today!

Questions, comments, concerns or suggestions? EMAIL US!

THE FINE PRINT

Void where prohibited. Indie street cred points have no cash value. The most points you can earn is 30, as Adam is not authorized to say anyone has more street cred than that. Points are awarded at Adam's sole discretion. Adam's availability as tour guide is not 100% guaranteed, but if worse comes to worse, you'll just end up with Ken, the other Weird Chicago guide, who happens to be a fantastic tour guide himself. We reserve the right to refuse to post anything that might get anyone in trouble or make anyone look bad. The contest is over when we say it is. The contest is NOT a part of this or any other complete breakfast. Adam is only going to be authorized to do this for a while, since he's working on a fantasy book (which we call "selling out!") and will soon probably lose what little indie street cred he himself has.

PROCEED TO ADAMSELZER.COM
Keep checking back for updates on how the contest is going!