THE SMART ALECK'S GUIDE TO AMERICAN HISTORY
Your Neighborhood Gives Me the Creeps:
True Tales of An Accidental Ghost Hunter
I'm pleased to announce upcoming Korean editions of two of my books:
ANDREW NORTH BLOWS UP THE WORLD will be published by Gaeam Namu, and I PUT A SPELL ON YOU will be published by Kookminseogwan!
I imagine that some Shakespeare translator has already figured out the Korean word for "honorificabilitudinitatibus," but I can't wait to see how they translate words like "defenestrate," "omphaloskepsis," and all of those other words from the book!
In other words, I'm nearly done with the draft for PURPLE WISH, the Zombie follow-up, which features a couple of characters from SPELL. I'm just now finishing up the scene where Jennifer and Mutual shout lines from Henry V while triumphantly steering a Wells Fargo Wagon full of unicorn poo through the streets of Des Moines. Can I possibly get any classier? I don't think so!
Two more new interviews!
Here's one on Mrs. Hill's Book Blog from earlier this week.
And one with Cecilia Bedilia that went up this morning!
Surely you must know all there is to know about me by now, huh?
I'm now in the homestretch of work on PURPLE WISH (which is the working title for the book I'll never get away with calling FAIRY GODMOFO). It's a mystery novel that functions as a follow-up to both I KISSED A ZOMBIE AND I LIKED IT and I PUT A SPELL ON YOU. It's an all new story - you don't have to have read either of those two books - but it takes place in the Zombie world and stars a few characters from SPELL (who are now six years older than they were in that book).
PURPLE WISH takes place three years after the events of ZOMBIE. By now, Des Moines has become a sort of mecca for vampires (something about working in the insurance world really suits the dead). But every time prom season comes around, rumors go around that Wil, the vampire who attacked Alley Rhodes and her zombie boyfriend, is back in town, ready to strike again...
We're also just about two weeks away from my trip to the real Des Moines, where I'll be filming a documentary about the Naked Trike Angel statue. Want to participate? Come to Merle Hay Mall at 10am on Sunday, August 8th! Here's the facebook event page. I still have an APB out on pictures of the mall from the 80s and 90s!
And one with Cecilia Bedilia that went up this morning!
Surely you must know all there is to know about me by now, huh?
I'm now in the homestretch of work on PURPLE WISH (which is the working title for the book I'll never get away with calling FAIRY GODMOFO). It's a mystery novel that functions as a follow-up to both I KISSED A ZOMBIE AND I LIKED IT and I PUT A SPELL ON YOU. It's an all new story - you don't have to have read either of those two books - but it takes place in the Zombie world and stars a few characters from SPELL (who are now six years older than they were in that book).
PURPLE WISH takes place three years after the events of ZOMBIE. By now, Des Moines has become a sort of mecca for vampires (something about working in the insurance world really suits the dead). But every time prom season comes around, rumors go around that Wil, the vampire who attacked Alley Rhodes and her zombie boyfriend, is back in town, ready to strike again...
We're also just about two weeks away from my trip to the real Des Moines, where I'll be filming a documentary about the Naked Trike Angel statue. Want to participate? Come to Merle Hay Mall at 10am on Sunday, August 8th! Here's the facebook event page. I still have an APB out on pictures of the mall from the 80s and 90s!
Labels:
press
Interview with Authors Unleashed
This is one my favorite interviews ever, covering everything from food to storage units to The Rocky Horror Picture Show.
Click Here!
Click Here!
Pass the fiber cereal!
I've hit 30.
Most of youse kids can stop trusting me now. But as for you, Merle Haggard...eat your heart out.
Most of youse kids can stop trusting me now. But as for you, Merle Haggard...eat your heart out.
The Naked Trike Angel Rides Again! (RESCHEDULED)
Less than a week until I head to Des Moines to make a movie about the statue of the naked guy with angel wings riding a trike that used to be at the mall. If you're in Iowa, come say hi!.
(NOTE: the date has been moved to August 8!)
Meanwhile, I'm working like crazy on about five different books and trying to keep sane, with help from my wife and stepson.
We had a great Fourth of July bash last night - the fireworks people set off in my neighborhood are unbelievable. At least 100 groups of people plan their displays all year, and every one of them endeavors to top the display at Navy Pier. Many succeed. You can walk around the neighborhood for hours and see a different display every direction you turn your head.
(NOTE: the date has been moved to August 8!)
Meanwhile, I'm working like crazy on about five different books and trying to keep sane, with help from my wife and stepson.
We had a great Fourth of July bash last night - the fireworks people set off in my neighborhood are unbelievable. At least 100 groups of people plan their displays all year, and every one of them endeavors to top the display at Navy Pier. Many succeed. You can walk around the neighborhood for hours and see a different display every direction you turn your head.
I Put a Spell On You, Also: The First Three Chapters
After I PUT A SPELL ON YOU came out a couple of years ago, I was working on a sequel. In fact, there's a whole draft or two floating around on my hard drive, the most recent is dated January, 2008. I've now decided to go in a totally different direction for it - I'll be bringing a couple of the characters back for the recently-announced ZOMBIE follow-up.
But I thought I'd post some of that original draft right here, anyway. I've always loved Floren's big speech in Chapter 3! The events portrayed in the book are years in the past by the time of I KISSED A ZOMBIE, but they did happen. It's all a part of the big overall story of Cornersville Trace.
So here are the first few (unpolished) chapters of I PUT A SPELL ON YOU, ALSO! I may post a few more to show what happened at the district bee.
CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD EPUB VERSION to read on ibooks, ereader, nook, etc! Free!
But I thought I'd post some of that original draft right here, anyway. I've always loved Floren's big speech in Chapter 3! The events portrayed in the book are years in the past by the time of I KISSED A ZOMBIE, but they did happen. It's all a part of the big overall story of Cornersville Trace.
So here are the first few (unpolished) chapters of I PUT A SPELL ON YOU, ALSO! I may post a few more to show what happened at the district bee.
CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD EPUB VERSION to read on ibooks, ereader, nook, etc! Free!
I PUT A SPELL ON YOU, ALSO Jan 2008 Draft by Adam Selzer CHAPTER ONE JENNIFER charlatan - a faker or quack. Some people said that Coach Bluth, the gym teacher, really knew his stuff, but after Maria found out that he couldn't even do a single push-up, she knew he was a charlatan.You know how you call tell that the school doesn't really care about mental health? Well, for one thing, just about everyone in town is completely nuts. Not just weird - I mean, I'm a bit weird myself - but actually nuts. I think that about 95% of the people who get out of Gordon Liddy Community School, which only even goes up to sixth grade, are completely nuts. For one thing, most of them keep living in Preston, even after they get out of high school. You have to be at least a little bit nuts to do that. But the main reason I know that the school doesn't even care about this problem is that the chair in the guidance counselor's office is really, really uncomfortable. My butt always starts to hurt as soon as I sit down in it. |
New Book Next Year!
Coming in 2011 from Random House:
Adam Selzer's new book, tentatively titled FAIRY GODMOTHER, is a satirical novel about a girl who will just DIE if she doesn't go to prom - literally. Her "Fairy Godmother," a scruffy, gravelly-voiceed guy in a tattered sport coat and fedora, is sort of a jerk like that. Set in the same world as the acclaimed I KISSED A ZOMBIE AND LIKED IT, FAIRY GODMOTHER is the hilarious tale of Jennifer Van den Berg, a purple-haired straight A student who gets caught up in a Faustian bargain involving vampires, candy, death, "The Music Man," and a whole lot of unicorn poop. It takes place in the same town as "Zombie," but three years later (after many more post-humans have moved to Des Moines, lured by affordable housing and jobs in the insurance industry, which are just perfect for dead people).
Here's a message from Jennifer herself:
You probably all know me from the book Jenny's Fairy Godmother by Eileen Codlin. But Eileen Codlin can go sit n a closet and suck moldy toenails. She didn't get ONE THING right. I'm no ditz who was desperate to go to the prom with a vampire, and my fairy godmother wasn't the least bit beautiful, and I'm not a princess (and I can't make you one, so kindly get off my lawn). Then, I talked to Alley Rhodes, this girl from my school who had a book, I KISSED A ZOMBIE AND I LIKED IT, written about her. She said that when she told her story to Adam Selzer, he made the Smart Aleck Staff wait on her hand and foot for a whole week and didn't change a thing (except for leaving out some scene in Doug the Zombie's car). So, well, long story short, the Smart Aleck Staff ROCKS (even the interns!), and Adam's new book will be out next year! Take that, Codlin!
Adam Selzer's new book, tentatively titled FAIRY GODMOTHER, is a satirical novel about a girl who will just DIE if she doesn't go to prom - literally. Her "Fairy Godmother," a scruffy, gravelly-voiceed guy in a tattered sport coat and fedora, is sort of a jerk like that. Set in the same world as the acclaimed I KISSED A ZOMBIE AND LIKED IT, FAIRY GODMOTHER is the hilarious tale of Jennifer Van den Berg, a purple-haired straight A student who gets caught up in a Faustian bargain involving vampires, candy, death, "The Music Man," and a whole lot of unicorn poop. It takes place in the same town as "Zombie," but three years later (after many more post-humans have moved to Des Moines, lured by affordable housing and jobs in the insurance industry, which are just perfect for dead people).
Here's a message from Jennifer herself:
You probably all know me from the book Jenny's Fairy Godmother by Eileen Codlin. But Eileen Codlin can go sit n a closet and suck moldy toenails. She didn't get ONE THING right. I'm no ditz who was desperate to go to the prom with a vampire, and my fairy godmother wasn't the least bit beautiful, and I'm not a princess (and I can't make you one, so kindly get off my lawn). Then, I talked to Alley Rhodes, this girl from my school who had a book, I KISSED A ZOMBIE AND I LIKED IT, written about her. She said that when she told her story to Adam Selzer, he made the Smart Aleck Staff wait on her hand and foot for a whole week and didn't change a thing (except for leaving out some scene in Doug the Zombie's car). So, well, long story short, the Smart Aleck Staff ROCKS (even the interns!), and Adam's new book will be out next year! Take that, Codlin!
Coming Soon: A Documentary on the Naked Trike Angel (help wanted!)
Next month, I'll be traveling to Des Moines to work on a documentary about the statue of the naked guy with angel wings riding a tricycle that used to be on display at Merle Hay Mall - and the impact that it had on my generation of Iowans. If you have any pictures of it (or would like to contribute a drawing) or would like to be in the documentary reminiscing (Did it scare you? Did you love it? Were you afraid to go near it for fear that people would think you were staring at its crotch?), please send an email to staffATsmartalecksguide.com!
Disney Options "I Kissed a Zombie and I Liked It"
The movie rights to I KISSED A ZOMBIE AND I LIKED IT, my spoof of the paranormal romance genre, have been optioned for a Disney Channel Original Movie. This doesn't mean that there's definitely going to be a movie, but they've secured the rights to make one if they want to. Let the world zombie takeover continue!
In other movie news, At Last, Okemah! now has a trailer and poster up at the IMDB.
In other movie news, At Last, Okemah! now has a trailer and poster up at the IMDB.
Labels:
news
On the Joys of Goofing Off
On Career Day at my middle school, one of the speakers was an old man. I think "being an old man" was actually his career. He spent his time traveling the world, having adventures, and burning the names of places he'd been into his walking stick. A couple of weeks later I was listening to a Cubs game, and they were interviewing him in the broadcast booth. This sounded like the career for me.
One thing I remember him saying was "even if you get straight As, if all you know is what you learn in school, then you're stupid." And he was right. I would be nowhere today if I hadn't goofed off a lot.
The key to it all is goofing off productively. For instance, I wrote a couple of plays during class in high school. One was a musical called "In the Absence of Absolute Truth;" it was about a guy who woke up one morning and found that everyone believed everything he said, no matter how outrageous. If he called a radio station's "traffic tip" hotline and said there was a jam because Darth Vader's TIE fighter had landed on I-285, they'd believe him. It was written out in notebook paper in my biology notebook. It didn't do wonders for my grades, but it was a better way to goof off than throwing paper at people.
I also wrote one called AT LAST, ATLANTA! It was a retelling of Don Quixote (which I probably read instead of something I was supposed to be reading) featuring a folk singer going on a cross-country quest (utilizing all the stuff I'd learned about violent traditional folk and blues music outside of class). Reading classic comedy books and finding out which version of "The Ballad of the Twa Sisters' was the goriest (it's the English one, version 10A, btw) were all examples of me goofing off - none of this stuff was covered in class, and I only rarely managed to work any of it into a school project. The idea for the title actually came out of a conversation I was having about Christopher Marlowe, a buddy of Shakespeare's that I was reading about during goof-off time (he was quite a character - a writer, badass philosopher and spy who died under mysterious circumstances. Some even say he faked his death and wrote Shakespeare's plays for him).
I've just posted that script on the Facebook page. The summer after high school I expanded it into a full-length script. Ten years later, I was standing in a field out someplace in Illinois, surrounded by fancy equipment, watching a couple of actors filming it. The short film based on that original script, At Last, Okemah!, has been making the festival circuit this year. It even won an award or two - and now the production team is trying to raise money to film a feature-length version to be filmed next year.
Once again, kids, I'm not saying you shouldn't study or do your homework. You absolutely should. But no one's giving me awards for algebra homework from ten years ago. I sincerely believe that everyone needs to goof off. The thing is, you can spend your down time throwing paper at people, running around the room and getting in trouble, or you can goof off productively. Read a book that isn't assigned (and that no one will test you on, so you can skip ahead if you get bored). Learn about something weird that they'd NEVER cover in class. I did - and you can scroll down a post or two and see the trailer for the movie that came out of it!
As for me, well, I'm goofing off right now! I really SHOULD be working on this new book....
One thing I remember him saying was "even if you get straight As, if all you know is what you learn in school, then you're stupid." And he was right. I would be nowhere today if I hadn't goofed off a lot.
The key to it all is goofing off productively. For instance, I wrote a couple of plays during class in high school. One was a musical called "In the Absence of Absolute Truth;" it was about a guy who woke up one morning and found that everyone believed everything he said, no matter how outrageous. If he called a radio station's "traffic tip" hotline and said there was a jam because Darth Vader's TIE fighter had landed on I-285, they'd believe him. It was written out in notebook paper in my biology notebook. It didn't do wonders for my grades, but it was a better way to goof off than throwing paper at people.
I also wrote one called AT LAST, ATLANTA! It was a retelling of Don Quixote (which I probably read instead of something I was supposed to be reading) featuring a folk singer going on a cross-country quest (utilizing all the stuff I'd learned about violent traditional folk and blues music outside of class). Reading classic comedy books and finding out which version of "The Ballad of the Twa Sisters' was the goriest (it's the English one, version 10A, btw) were all examples of me goofing off - none of this stuff was covered in class, and I only rarely managed to work any of it into a school project. The idea for the title actually came out of a conversation I was having about Christopher Marlowe, a buddy of Shakespeare's that I was reading about during goof-off time (he was quite a character - a writer, badass philosopher and spy who died under mysterious circumstances. Some even say he faked his death and wrote Shakespeare's plays for him).
I've just posted that script on the Facebook page. The summer after high school I expanded it into a full-length script. Ten years later, I was standing in a field out someplace in Illinois, surrounded by fancy equipment, watching a couple of actors filming it. The short film based on that original script, At Last, Okemah!, has been making the festival circuit this year. It even won an award or two - and now the production team is trying to raise money to film a feature-length version to be filmed next year.
Once again, kids, I'm not saying you shouldn't study or do your homework. You absolutely should. But no one's giving me awards for algebra homework from ten years ago. I sincerely believe that everyone needs to goof off. The thing is, you can spend your down time throwing paper at people, running around the room and getting in trouble, or you can goof off productively. Read a book that isn't assigned (and that no one will test you on, so you can skip ahead if you get bored). Learn about something weird that they'd NEVER cover in class. I did - and you can scroll down a post or two and see the trailer for the movie that came out of it!
As for me, well, I'm goofing off right now! I really SHOULD be working on this new book....
Labels:
writing
New Stuff This Week!
First of all, there's a fun new interview at Voracious YAppetite in which I discuss I Kissed a Zombie and I Liked It, my upcoming books, American Idol, and, for the first time anywhere, the mullet I had for a while in high school.
In other news...
The Fatal Drop Ebook is now available for 1.99, or $2.49 on kindle.
There are three new posts on Playground Jungle...
...and ikissedazombie.com now has a new special feature - a fake page from a teen magazine about dating the undead!
In other news...
The Fatal Drop Ebook is now available for 1.99, or $2.49 on kindle.
There are three new posts on Playground Jungle...
...and ikissedazombie.com now has a new special feature - a fake page from a teen magazine about dating the undead!
Labels:
press
Fatal Drop: The Ebook
The really gruesome true crime book I did under the name "Wild Bill Griffith" has been revised and expanded as an ebook - click the cover for more info!
I didn't use my own name on this one because it war really, realy grisly and not funny at all. I dug up some fascinating stories, though! Click here to hear me do a full-length interview "in character" as Wild Bill.
 FATAL DROP: TRUE TALES OF THE CHICAGO GALLOWS | Now Available as a $1.99 ebook! ($2.49 for kindle edition) A full length book about notable Chicago hangings - with TONS of fascinating stories and information never before seen in ANY book, with 40 illustrations. Now in epub (for ipad, nook, ereader, etc) format for just $1.99!  |
Don't Become a Vampire or Zombie
Teenagers (or "teens") who think becoming a vampire or zombie is "hot" are the biggest problem America faces today (next to flag burning and killer bees). Help me fight back! If you have any experience with this very important issue, please come share your story on the wall. Or, well, you can just lie.
Muhahaha!
I had a great time at I.R.A. this past week - I spent an hour signing books at the Random House booth with James Kennedy and Daniel Kraus, followed by dinner with my editor.
Over the course of the day, my wife and I got to meet Jerry Spinelli (pic). When people ask me what made me want to write for young people, I don't usually have a very good response. I enjoy it, and I think there's a certain subversive thrill in writing books aimed at "readers 10+" that suggest readers look up "Howl" by Allen Ginsberg, but, really, that's just something I learned along the way. I decided that YA was the field to be in after I read SPACE STATION SEVENTH GRADE and thought it was much better than all of the adult books I was reading. I also got to chat with the awesome Kate Messner (with whom I share a fantastic agent) and my fellow Dickens fan Hilary Wagner.
My next couple of appearances are in Schaumburg and Bolingbrook (a pair of Chicago suburbs) next month. Check the sidebar!
If you follow my twitter or, especially the facebook page, you know I've been making jokes about writing a "Satanic YA" to compete with all the Christian YA in the market. Well, the first five chapters have now been turned in to my agent! I don't know that there's much of a market for it (it's rather edgy, which makes booksellers leery, and "boy" YA books in general tend to need things like awards or celebrity endorsements to make much of a splash), but I'm determined to write the thing anyway. I'm having a TON of fun with this one!
Over the course of the day, my wife and I got to meet Jerry Spinelli (pic). When people ask me what made me want to write for young people, I don't usually have a very good response. I enjoy it, and I think there's a certain subversive thrill in writing books aimed at "readers 10+" that suggest readers look up "Howl" by Allen Ginsberg, but, really, that's just something I learned along the way. I decided that YA was the field to be in after I read SPACE STATION SEVENTH GRADE and thought it was much better than all of the adult books I was reading. I also got to chat with the awesome Kate Messner (with whom I share a fantastic agent) and my fellow Dickens fan Hilary Wagner.
My next couple of appearances are in Schaumburg and Bolingbrook (a pair of Chicago suburbs) next month. Check the sidebar!
If you follow my twitter or, especially the facebook page, you know I've been making jokes about writing a "Satanic YA" to compete with all the Christian YA in the market. Well, the first five chapters have now been turned in to my agent! I don't know that there's much of a market for it (it's rather edgy, which makes booksellers leery, and "boy" YA books in general tend to need things like awards or celebrity endorsements to make much of a splash), but I'm determined to write the thing anyway. I'm having a TON of fun with this one!
Official AT LAST, OKEMAH! Trailer!
Here's the official trailer to AT LAST, OKEMAH!, the short film I co-wrote. Hector, who you might remember from my book Your Neighborhood Gives Me the Creeps, co-stars as Miguel. Can you spot my cameo?
AT LAST, OKEMAH! homepage.
AT LAST, OKEMAH! homepage.
Labels:
miscellany
Not Necessarily the AT LAST, OKEMAH! trailer :)
While working on a trailer for the movie, we started to joke about how the trailer would look if we were doing one of those "summer blockbuster action flicks" instead of a comic retelling of Don Quixote set in the world of folk music. Perhaps...like this?
Labels:
miscellany
At Last, Okemah!
At Last, Okemah!, the short film I co-wrote, is starting to build up a following! I guess it did really well at the Tallahassee Film Festival last week. Working on the movie with the cast and crew was one of the greatest creative experiences of my life - we're really hoping to expand it into a feature-length film soon! As such, we're starting to do little things to help promote it, like music videos. Here's one starring me!
At Last, Okemah! is a modern day retelling of Don Quixote, telling the of how Harvey Grossman, a Chicago hipster, became Winston Thomas, the greatest and most authentic folk singer of all time.
At Last, Okemah! is a modern day retelling of Don Quixote, telling the of how Harvey Grossman, a Chicago hipster, became Winston Thomas, the greatest and most authentic folk singer of all time.
Life Ain't Easy for a Boy Named HTML
I've gradually started recording some goofy songs that'll eventually be an album's worth, I imagine, but I'm putting them up here a song at a time. Here's one I wrote years ago but never got around to recording:
A Boy Named HTML Right click the link for a free download - and enjoy! All tag data is there, so you should be able to drag the file right into iTunes.
BTW - really plugging the facebook fan page these days. Join up to get the latest news about new books in progress, lively discussions, and other fun stuff!
A Boy Named HTML Right click the link for a free download - and enjoy! All tag data is there, so you should be able to drag the file right into iTunes.
BTW - really plugging the facebook fan page these days. Join up to get the latest news about new books in progress, lively discussions, and other fun stuff!
New Interview - and the worldwide Zombie takeover continues!
Interview on I read to Relax talking about books, music, writing, coats, and American Idol.
I'm also pleased to announce that translation rights for I Kissed a Zombie have been acquired by Bliss in France (J'ai embrasse un Zombie, et Je l'ai aime!) and by Piper in Germany (Ich küsste ein Zombie, und ich mochte es!). I can't wait to see how they translate fake Yiddish! I went through enough French in high school and college and that I can read short articles in French and get the gist of it, but if you want to have a conversation with me in French, you have to talk to me like I'm four.
PS - The Smart Aleck Staff is still running the five albums for five bucks promotion! Funds go to the Smart Aleck Staff Retirement Fund - which is another way of saying "pizza money."
I'm also pleased to announce that translation rights for I Kissed a Zombie have been acquired by Bliss in France (J'ai embrasse un Zombie, et Je l'ai aime!) and by Piper in Germany (Ich küsste ein Zombie, und ich mochte es!). I can't wait to see how they translate fake Yiddish! I went through enough French in high school and college and that I can read short articles in French and get the gist of it, but if you want to have a conversation with me in French, you have to talk to me like I'm four.
PS - The Smart Aleck Staff is still running the five albums for five bucks promotion! Funds go to the Smart Aleck Staff Retirement Fund - which is another way of saying "pizza money."
New Reviews for "Zombie" and "Smart Aleck's Guide"
Booklist: This is one smart goth caper....Selzer brings the living and the not-dead-full-time to vivid and crackling life...(he) writes girls as well as straight, gay, and dead boys with evenhanded credibility and plenty of sass. (see full review).
And a couple of notable blog reviews:
Voracious YAppetite: Just as addicting as the song that inspired its name...funny, engaging, heartbreaking, and memorable.
Kinderscares: Very funny, very clever, and unexpectedly sweet.
Meanwhile, the Florida press says Mark Twain would have loved The Smart Aleck's Guide to American History.
And a couple of notable blog reviews:
Voracious YAppetite: Just as addicting as the song that inspired its name...funny, engaging, heartbreaking, and memorable.
Kinderscares: Very funny, very clever, and unexpectedly sweet.
Meanwhile, the Florida press says Mark Twain would have loved The Smart Aleck's Guide to American History.
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